The Invasion of the College Student

Last week, I wrote about the invasion of cicadas in Manchester; they're everywhere, clinging to trees, flying into my hair, buzzing mindlessly through the air in search of their cicada soulmates. But my best friend, who lives in St. Charles, says she hears one "every once in awhile."  Some friends in the St. Louis area have none, some, like those of us in Manchester, have been invaded. 

And the same is true of another type of invasion that began at my house in early May.  Various friends in various areas insisted that it was inevitable, but until it actually happened right here at home, I chose to ignore the warning signs. 

You see, we have been invaded by what my husband refers to as "raccoons."  In reality, my daughter and all of her friends are home from college.  College students are like raccoons in that you know that they have been there, but you hardly ever see them during daylight hours.  They keep odd hours, sleeping by day, and foraging by night.

While college students don't actually root through the trash (at least I don't think they do), they do leave trash lying around.  When I go to bed at night, my living room is picked up, the television is off and everything is just as it should be.  I wake up in the morning, the television is blaring, soda cans and snack wrappers are strewn about , and there are any number of "raccoons" lying about on my formerly tidy living room floor. 

Unlike their furry counterparts, however, these "raccoons" do not scurry away when I turn a light on or walk by them.  In fact, they don't move, even when I nudge them with a foot or slam a door loudly.  Eventually, they stir, move sluggishly toward the refrigerator, find a snack, amble back into the living room and proceed to stare mindlessly at the tv. 

Now I am as much of an "animal lover" as the next person, but after two weeks of the raccoon invasion, I began wondering how to clear them out of my house.  I looked in the yellow pages, but there was no solution under "pest control."  So I had to come up with my own methods. 

So far the most successful way I have found to clear the raccoons out of my house is to suggest that they unload the dishwasher, cut the grass clean a bathroom, or by far the most effective-spend some quality time with me. 

For the youngest raccoon, a 16-year old male who resides here year-round,  nothing has sent him scurrying out of the house faster this summer than my suggestion that he should go out and fill out some more job applications.  (During the school year, the mere mention of homework will at least send him down to his "lair" in the basement, an alternative method which I use quite often). 

Like the cicadas, this invasion of raccoons will eventually dissipate.  One by one, they'll pack up their little raccoon backpacks and suitcases and scatter to various colleges and universities throughout the country.  My living room will once again be tidy, nocturnal activities will cease, and my grocery bill will decrease considerably. 

The teenager will go off to Parkway South High, rising early and living a distinctly "un-raccoon like"  existence, at least Monday through Friday.  Life as we knew it will once again resume, I will no longer trip over raccoon bodies in the early morning light, and things will be peaceful and orderly. 

But you know what?  I think that come August, I'm going to miss the little varmints.  However, I suspect that next summer, yet another round of raccoons will come home to roost.