Are You Feeding a Picky Eater?

Are you struggling with a toddler to eat at meal times?  This situation is fairly typical.  Actually, toddlers may eat less food than adults expect. Toddler bodies are growing more slowly now than when they were infants.  It is fine to want children to taste things, but I wonder if it is always worth the long negotiations and battles.  There is research that a child needs to taste a food twelve to fourteen times prior to it becoming part of the child’s own food selection.  That is all well and good, but how do you make a toddler eat something and a better question is ‘should you’?  Meals should be enjoyable, with lots of conversation and shared time together.  They should not be times for power struggles, when this happens adults always lose and there is turmoil.

Perhaps this is a time for adults to examine their own eating habits.  Brazelton (2004) calls our adult memories of our childhood eating as “ghosts from the nursery”.  Were you a member of the ‘clean plate club’?  Many of us were, our parents expected us to finish everything. Some of us may remember sitting in front of a cold plate of food, wishing it would disappear.  These memories may affect how we now feel and what we do when feeding children.  

I frequently refer to Brazelton and Sears, both nationally recognized pediatricians.  There seems to be two vastly different views of feeding toddlers.  Brazelton (2004) believes a one year old should:  1. make her own choices, 2. be offered two bites of food at a time (repeating the process), 3. experiment with utensils and cups (sippy cups), 4. be offered one type of food at a time, so she is less distracted, 5. sit in a high chair (strapped in if necessary), 6. when she starts to play with food or throws it, the meal is over, and 7. no extra snacks other than planned ones be provided and no ‘grazing’ or having smaller meals and more often.  He urges consistency and patience.

A two year old may discover finger food for other uses.  Naturally, adults worry about the intake but Brazelton suggests feeding the 2 or 3 year old:  1. separately from the family, but joining in the family meal more for interactions, 2. letting her feel in control, 3. offering more nourishing foods when you know she will be hungry, and 4. knowing that ‘manners’ are learned when she is 4 and 5 years old.

A second approach is held by Sears (2003).  He suggests one year olds do need less food and are more comfortable with ‘grazing’, having small and frequent feedings.  The term ‘picky eater’ is somewhat well named because toddlers have developed that pincher grasp and can pick up foods from the high chair tray or plate.  Sears suggests toddlers’ food behavior is inconsistent, and does not follow a pattern.  But they do end up eating a nutritional balance of food over time.  A ‘nibble’ tray may be successful (using an ice cube tray or muffin tin), and toddlers may enjoy a nutritious dip.  By two years of age, the child can learn that the tray stays on the table and may not be dumped or carried various places in the home.  He suggests offering small amounts of food at a time, sometimes offering a smoothie, or having a shelf in the refrigerator for the child to reach in and get her own food/drink.  Toddler food behavior is inconsistent, so he too suggests patience and trying to enjoy mealtimes.

Whatever decisions you make about mealtime, they should fit your child and what works well for you, the adult. I suspect you may want to borrow some ideas from Brazelton and some from Sears. 

But the more important focus here is the social aspect of meal time, as well as your expectations for your child’s behavior.  Family time, without the television or radio is important; conversations and the act of gathering together are perhaps more important than your child trying a new food during the meal