Helping Our Children Care About Others

As an early childhood educator, I find myself re-reading the research and literature about young children’s development in these very areas. Over the course of my next few blogs, I will be examining information about young children’s development and specific strategies to use with your children; to help your child become empathic, emotionally mature, and develop the morals that you believe are important.

Young children are naturally egocentric. And it takes a period of time for them to understand the perspective of others. In situations where our children may act inappropriately to a peer or sibling, we find ourselves saying, “How would you like it if he did that to you?” But a clearer, effective way of providing guidance is saying, “I am sure Paul doesn’t like it when you do that to him. Try another way to tell him.” 

There are so many situations that provide opportunities to begin to help children understand another’s feelings. Another example is if your child has been using a swing at a park for a long time and another child wants a turn, you might say, “She has been waiting a long time, and you know how it feels to wait” (this is to the point, and does not assign shame or blame to your child). 

You serve as a model to your child of the very dispositions you want your child to develop. Remember, your child is very sensitive to your verbal and nonverbal communications. 

There are times when you can help your child understand another child’s feelings.  You can interpret why the peer/sibling is crying, or what she might be feeling. Also, helping your child interpret another’s feelings avoids the labeling of that child with words such as ‘crybaby’ or ‘weirdo’. 

Once you start focusing on developing these dispositions, opportunities seem to abound. Your child playing with a neighbor, playing at a park, or riding bikes all may present times to learn the very social competencies we have been discussing.  But do not hesitate to help your child understand your feelings, if she has said something inappropriate to you or to another member of the family. Developing to see another’s perspective includes parents, siblings, and extended family members.