When Will My Toddler Be Able to Share?

A mother of a toddler boy said to me, “He grabs all of his sister’s toys and says ‘Mine!” My reply was, “To him, it is all about him.” In other words, toddlers are egocentric—they can only see their own view, needs, and wants. This stage of development is normal. Sure, parents should help toddlers see that grabbing other’s toys is not desirable. But our expectations should be that it will be a long time before children this age can see another’s point of view.

Being able to understand another’s perspective is one of the social skills that fall into the category of social-emotional learning. At the same time, your toddler is developing cognitively. She eventually learns, usually in the preschool years, that she is an individual separate from peers/siblings. She learns she has her own feelings. Also, she becomes more independent and self motivated—which leads to self-control. This wonderful development is usually when your child is three or four years old, but it is a learning process influenced by experiences and others interacting with her.

We, as parents, can have unfair expectations for toddlers such as sharing toys and taking turns. Yes, we should strive to help them understand these social situations, but expecting these social skills will lead to disappointment and much turmoil.  

Remember it is a learning process. Enjoy your toddler and her wonderful sense of curiosity, and high level of enthusiasm.