Soule: How to Talk to an Ox: It's Not What You Think

A few years ago at the Hopkinton Fair, Topper, one of my oxen, decided he'd seen enough of the cattle barn. Topper was a 1,500-pound black steer with horns like the handlebars on a Harley. He slipped his tie, turned around, and started strolling out toward the fairgrounds, apparently in the mood for fried dough.

Three-quarters Tons of Bovine

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That's when a well-meaning visitor leaped into action. He planted himself in front of Topper, grabbed both horns, and leaned in. He seemed to think he could hold back three-quarters of a ton of beef the way you'd hold back a Labrador who's spotted a squirrel.

I understand his motivation. With a 40- or even 60-pound dog, a firm grip and a little muscle might win the day. Plenty of people, mostly men in my experience, carry that lesson with them everywhere they go. But I guarantee you this: it does not scale up.

A 200-pound man trying to stop a 1,500-pound steer by the horns is like trying to stop a pickup truck by grabbing the front grille.

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Carole Soule is co-owner of Miles Smith Farm in Loudon, N.H., where you can have an Ultimate CowExperience, hug Highland Steer, Curious Bleu, and admire Red's majestic horns. Carole can be reached at carole@cow-coach.com.