5 Tips for Being A Great Caregiver

To see a true act of love, loyalty, and kindness look at a caregiver.  Their hearts are big.  Unfortunately being a caregiver can also be a thankless task filled with stress and guilt.  Every day more and more people are becoming caregivers to their loved ones, and facing a challenging new role.  Caregivers often give 100% of themselves to their loved one, and leave next to nothing for themselves.  If you are a new or seasoned caregiver remember these important tips to help you remain the great caregiver you are:

1.    Do your research

Learn as much as you can about your family member’s medical conditions. The more you know, the more effective caregiver you will be.  Start your search online, many major medical conditions have foundations or associations that can provide you with information, for example the Parkinson’s Disease Foundation or the ALS Association.

2.    Accept your feelings and emotions

At times you may feel overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, and alone, but being a caregiver can also be a very rewarding role.  Know where to turn for help when you need it.  Good resources are your church, temple, or place of worship; family members or friends who will listen without judgment; or a therapist or counselor. 

As hard as caregiving is, I’ve seen it bring out a kind and softer side of people.   I had the privilege of knowing a couple where the wife had a debilitating stroke leaving her verbally and physically impaired.  The husband became her caregiver.  Prior to her stroke, the husband had a rather gruff and tough personality.  As he became the caregiver for his wife, his gentler side showed more and more often.  He made me laugh the day he told me he finally discovered how to get his wife’s hair to get that “great poufy look… Mousse! Why didn’t anyone tell me about it sooner?”  He took great pride in providing her care.  “She took care of me for over 40 years, now it’s my turn.”  He also knew his limits and hired outside caregivers to come into the home allowing him much needed respite.    

3.     Don’t try to do it all

It’s not always easy to ask for help, even when it is deeply needed.  Be realistic about how much of your time and yourself you can give. Set clear limits, and communicate those limits to other family members, medical professionals, and other people involved.  Family and friends may surprise you by their willingness to pitch in, even if it is just for one occasion.  Many times family and friends want to help, but don't know how. Try writing down a list of your loved one’s needs.  Include tasks you perform and tasks you would like help with.  Talk with your friends and family individually to ask if they want to help, maybe someone is great at internet research, is an expert at managing finances, or can come over for one hour to give you respite.  

4.     Remember YOU

Caregivers need care too.  Taking the time to care for you is often easier said than done, but make the time.  By giving yourself a break and focusing on you, you will be a better caregiver.  Consult your local Area Agency on Aging or a care manger to identify resources that will allow you the opportunity to take some respite.  Adult day centers are a good “bang for your buck.”  Your loved one can spend the day being taken care of; they can even receive a shower and medications.  It will offer you a good 6+ hours for yourself.  Take that time to meet friends for coffee, play cards, or visit with an old friend you haven’t seen in too long.  The snow will eventually melt and you will feel rejuvenated by getting outside.  Remember how much you love golfing, taking a walk on a beach, or even a walk around your block?  As hard as it is to accept outside help, both you and your loved one will greatly benefit.    

5.    Talk with other caregivers 

Consider joining a support group, it helps to know you’re not alone.  It’s comforting to give and receive tips and support from others who understand what you’re going through. 

There are many important ways to care for you.  The above ways are just a start, and there are many more.  As we often hear, proper nutrition and exercise are going to make you feel better and translate into being a better caregiver.  Laughter just might be the best medicine of all.  Laughter can keep you going in times of stress and pain.  When my mom was sick we made a video tape of funny clips and bloopers that always made us laugh.  Sometimes it helped to take a few minutes and laugh, even if it was through the tears. 

If you remember one item from this, let it be to take time off for YOU.  Your loved one and you will benefit.

Karen Campbell is a Geriatric Care Manager and founder of Innovative Aging.  To learn more please visit www.innovativeagingllc.com or email: info@innovativeagingllc.com