A Wave of Friendship Against a Sea of Pain

I had a heavy heart on Saturday. Like a lot of you who live and surf here on the Northern New England shores, I attended two separate services for members of our surf community. Attending one is bad enough, but two? It was a sea of emotions for a lot of us on Saturday. We are no different than any other surf tribe around the globe. You know, we make friends with other surfers. We meet and share our love of the ocean with each other. We also share that friendship with our spouses and children. Our sons and daughters. Our fathers our mothers. And we are intelligent enough to know, that not everyone has to actually surf to be part of this community.

However, it is that common thread that runs through the tribe. Surfing.

To lose two individuals who have close personal ties to the surf community is reason enough to make us once again sit back and realize what is important in our lives. For some, they think of their own mortality. For others, it's a fresh wake up call of holding onto their loved ones a little tighter. Witnessing friends deal with the loss of loved one is difficult. But it pales in comparison to the pain and numbness that they feel. And we all know that. That's why we go.

To show our love and support. We did that today in big numbers.

And like so many loved ones said today at both Joanna's service and Dwight's service, they were thankful and grateful for our presence. Friends and relatives sharing in that pain and grief. I was quietly taking it all in. And I was proud of you all who attended. I was touched to see and hear the words of love and support that came from within our ranks. It's easy for those outside of the Surfer Box to think of us as anything but a bunch of rebels. Surfing without a cause or worry.

But we are anything but. Yes we will drop everything and go surfing. It's true.

But we also drop everything to stand for a friend in need. I saw that today. First at Toby's soul mate Joanna Rob's service. Truly touching and moving words by Joanna's mother, followed by her brother, and her friend. And then Toby himself. I don't think any of us who knew Toby didn't want to at that moment reach out and comfort him. We see Toby out surfing all the time. He is always smiling. Always getting great waves and making incredible moves with his brothers. That's where we know Toby best. To see him today was so foreign to us. Yet we could not help but admire his strength and his resolve.

I know I am not alone in saying that I saw Toby in a different light today.

And make no mistake about it. There was a light shining over him. The light of his beloved friends and family. The light of his beautiful son Myles. And the light of the spirit of Joanna. It was both sad and beautiful to witness. But we are no strangers to this powerful emotion. We have seen it many times over in this small surf community. We have lost loved ones, all of us. We have seen and bore witness to parents saying goodbye to children. We have said goodbye to parents. To grandparents. To brothers and sisters. To dear friends.

It is never easy. Ever. Nor should it be. But our faith in something beyond this world always seems to shine the brightest when we are faced with the darkness. Toby faced the darkness today and was beaming in a light of love and support and something beyond this material world. For us Christians it is the power and love of Jesus. For others it is God, Allah, or some other powerful religion. Whatever it is you believe in. Keep and nurture that faith.

There is an old saying," that there are no atheists in foxholes." It is true.

We all stood in the foxhole today with Toby at Joanna's service and prayed and sang together. There were no bad attitudes. No words of hate. No negative unkind remarks. Just a sea of love. Again. And I was proud to be part of it.

After the service, the surfers who run and operate the Flatbread Company in Portsmouth hosted the gathering of mourners. Surfing, Community, and LOVE.

No sooner had we left Joanna's service it was off to Dwight Hamsley's service.

Again, the church was filled with surfers, mostly older surfers, but surfers none the less. To hear words of surfing at a gathering of friends and family celebrating a life is in a word uplifting. And it truly is. Dwight was a surfer. And there was rarely a time when I spoke with him after his accident in 1981 that left him a quadriplegic where he did not state..."That when I walk again, or when I go surfing again..." I would look at him and nod my head yes. Dwight believed he would walk again. Dwight believed he would surf again.

And you know what? He was right. He is walking again. He is surfing again.

Doug Hamsley is Dwight's brother who is also a surfer and he spoke about his brother as only a close knit family member could. It was fun to hear of some of Doug's memories of his brother Dwight. Lots of people said nice things. Some were surfers, some were just friends who knew him back in the day. But they all had something good to say about a man who was one of the sweetest and most kindest men I have ever known. Dwight was special.

Stan Chew is a friend of the Hamsley family. He knew Dwight and although he could not be here for his service today, he did write this beautiful piece for Dwight. And with his permission, I am going to post it here.

It is so difficult being away from New Hampshire, especially when a dear friend dies. 
 
I am fortunate in having known Dwight before his accident, just after he started surfing.  Initially, I thought he was just this really REALLY nice, kinda goofy guy that was in the middle of his kook days.  But it seemed that every time he paddled out, he advanced two-fold.  He was impressive to say the least, clearly the guy had athletic skills.  And man...this guy LOVED to surf.  I was fortunate enough to be a professional musician so, I worked at night and never missed a good swell during the day, and every time, there was Dwight with a "Hey bro, good to see you!"  The deal was, Dwight meant it.  And he just got better and better. 
 
I was myself new to the New Hampshire surf scene, having moved to the seacoast in 1976, so though Dwight and I became good friends, I had no prior knowledge of Dwight's football accomplishments.  Then I learned from Joey Lavoy about Dwight's records, how he was basically unstoppable in football.  I reflected on this mussing the football stereotype.  Dwight had never said a thing about his achievements.  He NEVER had a bad vibe nor acted intimidating while in the water...Dwight was Aloha in the purist sense of the word.  It just didn't fit.
 
Before he went to Hawaii in the fall, we surfed the Rocks on a midweek day, alone.  In recalling this memory, it is like yesterday.  Head high waves, deep blue sky, slight off shore wind - perfect Rocks.  While waiting out back for a set, we were chatting and I asked him about his football career.  Dwight slightly grinned and just pushed it aside.  He thought for a moment and then told me how much he loved surfing and that he stopped playing football that fall in order to travel and surf.  He had told his coach just a few weeks before that he was quitting.  I mean - this guy was a TALENT with many records and he just walked away from it. 
 
To go surf.  For the love of the ocean.  To be a waterman...  He told me that surfing fit who he was better than anything he could imagine and that he was put on earth to be in the water.  He left for Hawaii just after that session with some friends. 
 
His tragic accident swept our small surfing community with shock, just disbelief.  How could such an amazing athlete become confined to a wheelchair?  Collectively, we were dazed, stunned.  His recovery, just getting around in a wheelchair was going to be tough. 
 
I first saw him many, many months later as I pulled up to the Rocks in my red Jeep pickup, there he was, watching the surf, under a blanket.  As I recall, Russ brought him to the beach in his van, one of his first times outside in such a long time.  I walked over to him, hunched down, wanting to be at eye level and say hello, and just lost it.  I wanted to be strong for the guy but I just couldn't handle my emotions...and Dwight's curled hand just rubbed my head as he quietly said "No worries brah, all is fine, you'll see.  I'll be back in the water in no time."  He consoled me and I felt ashamed, I should have been strong for him.  I wish I could take that moment back but I can't.   
 
Dwight become an influence as an artist.  His coordinating the art shows on the sea coast inspired many.  There would be Ralph's work, Jay's collection of Ogden, Severson and Griffin, John Grady's poetry, music and central to it all...Dwight.  He went on to participate in mural work and as is so important in art, developed a style.  You could tell Dwight’s work and it was good. 
 
You can not learn enough from people like Dwight.  You can not reflect enough on your blessings when such a positive person, with all the promise in the world suffers tragedy with a smile and a go-forward plan as Dwight did.  I have often said that God touched his finger on New Hampshire's seacoast...Dwight is one of the special people that makes this statement an absolute truth for me.    
 
Surf well in heaven Dwight, its your time now... and give Todd Ross a big hello. 
 
Rest in Peace Dwight and Rest In Peace Joanna.

*This JUST IN! Baby TJ Rowlee has entered the world. What a perfect way to end this sad column...I am so happy with this news that it
moved me to tears! Buck, Meighan, Kieran and TJ...with Molly
watching over them all!
Such wonderful news. So happy....so happy for everyone!

Welcome to our community TJ...I think you are going to like it here.


"Surfing Heals ALL Wounds..."




Now for some of my Weekly Global Observances:

OK so I didn't win the Lotto. Honestly? I didn't think I was going to win. Did any of you think you really had a chance? I mean Good Lord, the odds of winning were insane. Still, I did what you all did, I went off and bought 5 quick picks. One for each family member. And yes, I fantasized about the winning ticket. Look if you bought a ticket you did the same. We all did. Can you imagine what it must be like to win that kind of money? I was trying to imagine it. But try as I might, I could not.

My son was having fun thinking of the possibilities. I told him he still would need to find a good job and finish his college education. Look I'm a dad, I have to say stuff like that. At one point we both drifted off and thought about what it would be like. Funny we were both heading off to the tropics in our fantasy world. Sigh.

Oh well. Maybe next time. Or maybe not.

So how many of you have flown Jet Blue since the Pilot stepped off the reality train last week? Hello? Come on. I'll tell you what. That First Officer deserves a job. He's the real hero in this sad story. And it is clearly sad. Sad and scary. Damn. The last thing I want to do when boarding a plane is peeking into the cockpit and asking if everything's cool. I don't want to do that. I want to know ahead of time that everything is cool. Am I right people? You know damn well I am.