Choose Trust Not Jealousy For Happier Relationships

Jealousy can erode a relationship. At the root of jealousy is insecurity, low self-worth, lack of trust, and fear of abandonment. The irony is that because this is where your energy stems, you actually attract what you do not want. Trust is a very important element to a successful and healthy relationship. When trust is not there is eats away at the foundation of love and actually creates barriers to intimacy rather than invitation. It is not healthy for you or your relationships to hold onto jealous thoughts and suspicions.

I was very jealous in my first marriage and this did lead to many problems and the ultimate betrayal. So although we tried to make it work, in the end I knew in my heart that I could not be married to a man that I did not trust. I had witnessed for years what jealousy and mistrust could do to a family and I did not want to put my children through that. I did not have the tools I have today to work through that at the time.

Jealousy did not go away. We carry us wherever we go, and so in my next relationship, guess what, that emotion reared its ugly head once again. It was worst this time; of course I had more experience and energy fueling it. Fortunately, I realized how destructive and unhealthy my jealousy was – for my relationship, my children, and me. I made a decision to love and to trust. It began slowly. I told myself, that if my new partner was going to cheat, my worrying was not going to stop him. However, I would feel better without all that worry. If he cheated, I’d deal with it, yet in the meantime I would focus on the joy and love in my life and appreciate our love. So by letting go of my worry and mistrust, and putting my attention on our life together, my jealousy evaporated, our relationship improved, and I enjoyed more of our experiences.

You can choose to trust. Make the decision to believe that you deserve to be loved and respected and start by loving and respecting yourself and others. The more you choose to trust and be present in your life, you will experience more joy and love in your relationships, and the easier it will become to trust.

Take steps to heal the hurts you’ve experienced that may have contributed to your acts of jealousy. Although, from that day I have chosen to trust, the emotion of jealousy still showed up. I was aware and conscious of its existence. I would validate that yes, I am feeling it, then speak to myself about why I did not want to feel this way, and then talk myself into calm and acceptance.

Many years later, I learned how to actually release the emotional and energetic toxins that were buried in my cellular memory, going to the source of the feelings that contributed to the jealousy, using EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. So now, I rarely have to face the ugly green monster and when if it does occasionally show up, I just clear away the source.

Give yourself a gift – let the jealousy go. If you are in a relationship where you feel there is just cause for your lack of trust, then ask yourself:
• Am I contributing to this in some way?
• How can I shift within so that I am not experiencing jealousy?
• What steps can I take to heal from my past so that I am not bringing or keeping the issues in this relationship?
• Talk to your partner honestly and openly about your feelings and the steps you are taking to correct this, ask for their help and support to move beyond the jealousy.