Reality TV Has Gone Haywire

Like a lot of you baby boomers I was saddened to hear about the passing of one of the country's greatest moral compasses. Andy Griffith. Sheriff Andy Griffith passed at age 86. Mayberry was for me, like a lot of you, a time and place where the simple things in life could be put into perspective. And there was no one better to make things seem right than Andy's logic and wisdom.

The characters on that black and white TV show were all classic.

Each one a memorable figure in our growing up with Andy. From Aunt Bee to Floyd the barber, to Gomer Pyle to Otis the town drunk. And of course his son Opie, and his deputy Barney Fife.

It was the kind of show where even the repeats were worth watching. We all chuckled at Barney's absurd take on keeping Law and Order in the bustling town of Mayberry. How many times did Andy bail him out of messy situations? Too many to count.

We all know that there was no actual Mayberry. But that didn't matter. We all fantasized about it. We all needed that escape to a simpler time. With the smell of Aunt Bea's apple pie on the window sill, to Andy and Opie walking down that dirt road with fishing poles slung over their backs. Whistling that theme song.

A part of our childhood innocence passed along with Andy.

Rest in peace Andy...say hi to Barney for us.

Speaking of simple times, I am about to make a confession here. I am not a big fan of Reality TV shows. I think the whole crazy Housewife series is completely out of control, as are the Top Chef, Top Models, Bachelor, and Bachelorette, and the rest of it's like minded ilk. The problem I have is, I believe that the characters (*they are NOT actors) all play to the camera.

Case in point...The Jersey Shore. Come on people. Really?

Those boneheads are a complete embarrassment to anyone who lives in Jersey, and to anyone who has any Italian heritage. It's  a joke. A complete waste of time. What's that little drunkard pygmy's name? Snooki. Good Lord. This is someone who our youth should aspire to be like? SNOOKI? I don't know who the guys are because I can't stand to watch it long enough to remember their names. But trust me. They too are forgettable.

There there's the Teen Mom shows. Now maybe I'm missing something here, but do any of you with young teens really want your kids to watch that crap? I mean...I am hoping that kids who do watch this garbage realize how insanely hard and truly difficult it is to raise a child as a single mother, let alone while you are still in High School.

Again, these twits are all playing for the camera.

It's like what else can we put a camera on? The run of reality TV shows has gone haywire. Though I will admit I was into the first reality TV show back in the day. COPS. Mostly because the idiot criminals were not acting. And you just never knew what was coming in on the next call.

It was a Saturday night ritual for many years.

There is one new reality show that I have found myself watching at lunch time most days and I will admit I am sort of hooked on it. SWAMP PEOPLE. Have you seen it? Good Lord this show has gone where no other show has gone before. Into the Swamps with some good ole boys down south in the Bayou hunting Alligators.

The best thing about this show? It's all in sub titles!

I swear, These guys have such a hard time speaking the English language that the producers have it all in subtitles. I find it fascinating. And when my wife says I am a hypocrite for putting down the other 90% bullshit Reality shows while watching "Swamp People" I tell her. Those Alligators. are NOT acting. Actually I say it more like.."Dem gators ain't acting!"

Granted, some of them Swamp Dudes might be acting for the camera every now and then, but when they hook into a large 12 foot Gator the acting stops. The cameramen do the typical point of view shots where they jump in the water and shoot back up into the Swamp dudes mugs. It's hokey. And I hope they know they are not fooling anyone with those ridiculous water shots.

But if you can get beyond those staged shots, I highly recommend it. In fact, I am thinking of doing a parody take-off on the show and calling it "Snake People" and shoot my son and I as we ride around the Seacoast and catch local Garter and Milk snakes. And hell yes we would use subtitles. You kidding me? That would be hilarious. So if you got a snake problem, give us a call. Y'hear?

Either that, or we do what my wife has wanted to do for the last few years. "The Real Housewives of Hampton." Right. Follow a bunch of local surf wives around the seacoast with a camera and tape whatever comes out of their heads? Ahhh I guess that could be funny. Or maybe not. Be funny if we used subtitles.

One thing's for sure, Reality TV is not going anywhere for awhile.

The highlight of our Fourth of July was not the fireworks. We missed those again. I guess they had them an hour earlier. Last year they went off a half hour later. We missed last year too. Though I must say, the Lightening was a better show than any Fireworks display. That was amazing. That little sky burst above was some store bought local display. I'm telling you,
the Lightening was the real show.

Still even the lightening was not the highlight of our 4th of July.

No sir, the highlight of our fourth was picking berries. Our own. Nothing like growing a crop of fresh berries in your yard. Well, except maybe the veggies that are coming up. Last year I harvested corn for the first time in my life. Corn? I'm a damn farmer! Hell I even grew two of the sweetest tasting watermelons we have ever had. Me? Growing watermelons.

I wished my late father had lived long enough to see that I too had become somewhat of a farmer. Just as he was. I think he would of gotten a kick out of it.

Speaking of late fathers. Mary Callahan has offered a FREE board to any Grom who has no father to teach them how to surf. She is doing this in memory of her late father who taught her how to surf. There must be one young boy or girl who has no dad that wants to try surfing. This is a FREE Board! Get in touch with me if anyone is interested.

Now for Some Of My Weekly Global Observances:

I thought I should update the photo of Kalid Sheik Mohammed (KSM) the Mastermind behind 9/11 with a current photo. Can you believe how much his hair and beard has grown since he has taken up residency at GITMO? Damn that is one wild Rats Nest huh? Wonder what he uses to make it grow so long and thick? I know it's not pork based.

He has sort of a forlorn look here huh? It's almost sad. He must really miss hanging with his Al Qeada posse in those dark and dank caves.
Is it me, or do his eyes look almost cross eyed? Like he's crazy or something? Wait he is crazy. My bad.

Note to self: Must pick up Fertilizer and manure at Home Depot.

Kudos to Hillary Clinton for having the courage to stand up and call China, Iran, and Russia out on the carpet for their blind eye to the current uprising in Syria. It's only a matter of time before the current regime topples.

Anyone out there think that the Middle East is stable? Anyone at all? With Iran playing war games this past week and continuing to say that they want to wipe Israel off the map it is far from stable.

Finally, President Barack "Forward" Obama must be feeling a bit
queasy with the latest Job Market report. Oh baby. That is not good news. Plus can we all just call what the Obamacare really is. It's a tax. That most of us Middle class state of mind dreamers are going to have to pay for. Like I said...it's going to be an interesting next few months.

Hold onto your seats kids. Things are just getting started.