Body Language

       We are a bit over three weeks away from electing the President of our     country – no matter how we evaluate that happening, it's a big deal. Yet, I recently heard from one of the thousands of pollsters currently out in force, that 70% of voters will decide on the next President by how much they like the person, not on substantive issues; such as their view on how best to operate our economy, how to mix religion with politics, or even the global necessity of war. So, what does this topic have to do with Visiting Angels and you? Good question!

If you have turned on the television in the last couple of weeks, chances are that you have either watched the two political debates or heard the many commentaries regarding the same. Just for your edification, different channels offer different political viewpoints, so switch around and get both sides of the story.

With this in mind, you have undoubtedly been aware of the physical presence/posturing involved in the debates. For example, many will say that President Obama did not do a very good job with showing his Presidential posture in his debate with Romney, who they say came across more confident. As a result, in the Vice Presidential debate, Joe Biden was allowed to be much more aggressive in order to compensate for President Obama's less assertive stance in the first debate (it will certainly be interesting to see how both Obama and Romney react to all this posturing in the next debate this week).

So, all that being said, my point of this week's message is: body language matters. And, even more to the point, can our non-verbals (as social scientists will call our body movements, facial expressions, sighs, etc.) actually govern how we feel about ourselves? In short, can we change who we are by changing our non-verbals?

Social Scientist, Amy Cuddy from Harvard University, studied this and concluded that yes, indeed, we can change how we feel about ourselves by altering our non-verbal behaviors. Granted, her study and the corresponding explanations are too lengthy to fully address here, but I do think it is important to summarize her approach and findings as they can certainly be affective in running your business, i.e., how you present yourself to referral sources, colleagues, and clients.

To begin, think of being part of the animal kingdom where pure power or dominance rules. How is it demonstrated? For example, a bird may spread its wings to either ward off a predator or impress a potential mate. In the human kingdom, the winner of a running race may spread her arms as wide as possible to show her pride at having power over the others in the race.

Let's bring this down a few notches to our own daily behaviors; such as crossing our arms when we speak with someone else or standing tall and straight when in a group of our peers. There are thousands of examples – just imagine all the different poses we use during the day and what meaning those poses may have. Or even more to the point: What do those poses mean to others around us?

The Presidential and Vice-Presidential debates are fine examples of perception, what you are seeing and feeling, and the outcomes those thoughts and feelings have formulated inside of you. Transfer that to your work place and how your actions, postures, etc. affect those around you.

Aren't there times when you have come out of a meeting and said, "Why did I act that way?" or "Why did I say that?" We all have done that . . . We call it second guessing ourselves and it can be a useful practice if we use it to learn for the next time.

However, there is another way to control how we come across to others – Fake it! That's right, I said it – Fake it! Sounds silly and it sounds as if I'm telling to you to not be yourself, yet quite the opposite is true – if you want to be someplace that you don't feel you truly belong, you can fake being there and if you actually do belong there you will eventually feel good about being in that place. That's confusing, eh?? Well, as Amy Cuddy explained it, many people do belong in the place they are at, for example, sitting in front of a high-powered owner/manager of a home health agency as you try to obtain referrals from her, yet their fears or lack of self-confidence sabotages the legitimate claim for being in that place. To get that confidence back (or develop it in the first place) fake it. Fake it until you become it!! And you can do this by taking tiny steps until you make it happen.

Most of us are where we need to be, although we don't realize or recognize it as being 100% true. Somehow, through some force, you got to where you are and now you just need to convince yourself that it is true. Allow yourself to be that person that you are meant to be ... And, if that means faking it, do so. Change your body language to show you are a more confident and powerful person. Understand the importance of why our political debates are controlled by body language, even more than content.

To end, let's pull a quote from mid 20th century author Darren L. Johnson: "Be who you want to be, do what it takes to be that way, and in time, you will have what you want in life."