The Menace Of Bullying: What Merrimack Parents Are Saying

MERRIMACK, NH — An informal survey of Patch readers in New England shows great concern among parents about the extent and severity of bullying their children experience in school and online. Almost nine in 10 parents said their child had been bullied at least once, and nearly half
said the bullying had occurred frequently.

Parents left little doubt as to the consequences of unchecked bullying, saying their children dread going to school and their grades have suffered, that they have been forced to change schools, that they have been physically harmed or suffered from low self-esteem, anxiety and depression. Some parents said they knew of bullied children who had committed suicide.

As one parent wrote in a typical comment:

"My daughter was bullied so badly in high school she was suicidal. If it weren't for one teacher who made her feel wanted and smart, I don't know what could have happened. She had to take a gap year before college because she was diagnosed with anxiety and depression to the point she couldn't get out of bed."

And while most parents said school officials in their communities have adopted policies intended to curb or stop bullying, many believe those policies are poorly enforced — if they are enforced at all. Parents used terms like "ineffective," "inadequate" and "a joke" to describe them.

A recent incident at Fairgrounds Middle School in Nashua where a father posted videos of his daughter being attacked on social media has helped shine a light on bullying in city schools and what can be done about it.

Patch has undertaken extensive coverage of the bullying issue in The Menace of Bullying: A Patch Advocacy Reporting Project.

The regional parent survey, timed to coincide with National Bullying Prevention Month in October, was posted on more than 100 Patch sites in Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Rhode Island. The survey is not scientific, but could be considered a broad indicator of parents' feelings about the seriousness of bullying in their schools and communities.

Here are some of the responses from the Patch survey from Merrimack:

"For my child, she was depressed and didn't want to go to school. She'd cry and get physically ill. ... Punish the bullies and have it something that will have an effect on them."

"Some children have committed suicide and many have become involved with substance abuse in an attempt to fit in with the crowd. ... Be more attentive of the needs and support the of the bullied person."

"Kids don't want to go to school. They aren't learning because they are too worried about the other kids and when it will happen again. ... More adults supervising (would help), especially during unstructured times. Be strict and adhere to your policy. Don't let little things slip by without holding kids and parents accountable."

"(Frequent bullying) caused them to have anxiety and depression, as well as do bad in school. ... (School officials can help) by not protecting the bullies, and punishing them instead of the innocent kids, and actually (caring) about the students' mental health."

"(Bullying caused) poor performance or self-image. ... Encourage students to report bullying."

Take the Patch bullying survey

More than 420 parents responded to the Patch survey. The key findings were:

• Nearly 89 percent of parents said their children had been bullied at least once, and nearly half — 47 percent — said bullying had been frequent. Only 11 percent said their children had never been bullied.

• Bullying took many forms, from teasing and name-calling to exclusion from groups to physical harm such as punching or kicking. Nearly a third of respondents said their children had experienced some sort of physical harm.

These informal findings should be compared to statistics compiled in more scientific surveys, which note that:

• Bullying affects 1 in 3 U.S. schoolchildren (NoBully.org)
• 59 percent of U.S. students experience cyberbullying (Pew Research Center)
• 160,000 kids stay home from school every day to avoid bullies, National Association of School Psychologists

To comment on this story, email bullies@patch.com. And to learn more about bullying prevention, visit Patch partner NoBully.org.

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From the experts

• 'The Anti-Bully': Talk And, Especially, Listen To Your Kids
• The Bully Menace: Patch Experts Offer Tips To Parents
• Anti-Bully Experts Offer Tips On Sometimes Deadly Encounters
• Understanding The Bully: They're Often Victims, Too, Experts Say