Mothers Day at the Beach

This Sunday is Mother's Day, and like many sons and daughters I will be spending part of the day with my mother, Catherine P. McCray. It will be the 12th year I have spent Mother's Day the same way, and it will take what could be a sad day and turn it into the yearly celebration of my mother.

My mother passed away on March 19, 2003, unexpectedly, and a day doesn’t go by where I don’t think of her and miss her. That year, I was dreading Mother's Day and although I was accepting the fact that she was gone, I was fearful that Mother's Day was going to put me back at square one in the grieving process. I started thinking about how I could make the day bearable and then I remembered something she had said to me a year earlier when discussing what to do when her time comes and she passes on. Her instructions were simple. "Bury me next to Patty Ann (her daughter who had died in 1977 in an accident at 19 years of age), You, Ricky and Martha (her other children) keep whatever of mine that you want then give everything else to Goodwill, except my shells and rocks, which I want put back in the ocean where they came from." My mother loved the beach and every time she went to Hampton Beach she would come back with shells and weathered flat stones from her walks on the beach. She always managed to take a little of Hampton Beach home with her to Lowell. "That’s it,” I thought. Every Mother's Day I will take some of her shells and rocks to the beach and throw them back in the ocean as I reflect on her life. I spoke to my brother Ricky to see if he wanted to join me and a tradition was born.

Rick and I meet in Lowell at dawn, every Mother's Day, and bring my mothers spirit and beach bag with us to Hampton Beach. The bag is a tangible reminder of her and has her sun tan lotion, beach hat, sunglasses, water bottle and several copies of old Readers Digest. Once we arrive at the beach we stop and sit next to the big statue that she loved. After a few minutes of reflection we walk down to the ocean and with as much pomp and circumstance as possible, we honor her final wish by throwing some of her rocks and shells back into the sea. We used to throw five or six of each but then we started getting nervous that we would run out of her supply so we began reducing it to two of each. 

Every year it’s the same, except for 2009. That was the year that I couldn’t remember where I had put the rocks and shells. I tore the house apart with no luck, but we decided that we still would make the annual trek to the beach. As we started walking to the ocean I started wondering if maybe there was an old rock or shell left in the beach bag, since we had never gone through it. I emptied out the bag and sure enough, there was a tiny stone on the bottom. Ole mom had come through again. We tossed it in the ocean and kept the streak alive. Several months later I stumbled on the beach mementos. I now keep them in my office so that I will never lose them again.

As much as I enjoy honoring my mother’s memory, I would gladly give up everything I own, if just once it could be her, alive and well, walking the beach with us instead of just her indomitable spirit. Unfortunately, that isn’t going to happen for me in this lifetime. However, for many of you reading this, that’s not the case, because your mothers are still alive. On Mother's Day this year don’t just send a card or make a 3-minute phone call. Give her the gift she wants more than anything – time with the loves of her life, her children. Someday she won’t be around anymore. Don’t miss an opportunity on her special day to spend time with her and thank her for all she has done for you.

Happy Mother's Day everyone. And Ma, thanks for everything. After all these years, you're still my hero.