Differentiation of self is one's ability to separate one's own intellectual and emotional functioning from that of the family. The concept was first advanced by family therapist, Murray Bowen. In a community context it is the ability to function as a separate individual and also commune effectively with others. Can I be an autonomous individual and also rely on others for emotional nourishment? Can I enjoy my liberty but also contribute to my community?
Differentiation also means I am comfortable in my own skin without seeking approval from others. I can receive criticism without falling apart. I am inner rather than outer directed. I do not fear abandonment or engulfment.
A community that is made up of well-differentiated individuals functions effectively because people enjoy the benefits of social connectivity and also have the capacity for individuality and creativity.
I believe this was the genius of the founding of our nation. The Founders understood this balance intuitively. Today's emphasis on freedom seems out of place to me, but may be a sign that many people are experiencing too much control over their individuality. It may also signify that growing numbers of people are afraid to love because they have been hurt or abandoned.
Are our socialization systems cultivating well-differentiated individuals? I am skeptical about that. Family breakdown, single parenting, consumerism, fear propaganda, a failing educational environment, poverty, a broken government, a toxic entertainment culture, internet addiction, and a host of other societal risk factors work against psychological differentiation.
If we want better communities we need to start by rebuilding the foundations that contribute to healthy differentiation.
