These are difficult times. The civil society is breaking down as tribalism increases. People are seeking one partisan version of news and ignoring information that could provide alternative perspectives, which is leading to myopia. Political operatives are sowing dissent in order to raise funds and win votes. The ruling class creates division because it keeps us from challenging them. Entitlement is winning over personal responsibility.
All of that is making conversation difficult.
Here are my suggestions for ways to make our community conversations more civil. They come from the research on interpersonal and cross-cultural communication and my observation of reformers like Stephen Erickson (whom I interviewed last week) and others in the public realm that are trying to bridge differences and find consensus. If we are to survive as an American community we must learn how to engage in civil conversation.
- Seek and speak truth clearly and respectfully
- Absorb information from a multitude of perspectives
- Listen
- Remain humble
- Monitor your emotional reactivity
- Know when to disengage if your temperature is rising
- Learn how to identify people that like conflict for conflict's sake and avoid them
- Challenge the argument but never attack the arguer personally
- Focus on issues, not personalities
- Do not impugn the motives of others
- Acknowledge when you are wrong
- Apologize if you catch yourself going too far
