Patton: Is Hillary at the End of Her Rope?

I recently published a satirical novel about New Hampshire politics entitled “Selling Mt. Washington.” People sometimes ask me where I get my ideas for political humor. It isn’t hard. Politics taken at face value is just funny. As the old saying goes, “I couldn’t make this stuff up.”

For example, when Hillary Clinton marched in the 4th of July parade in Gorham, NH, her staff members walked in front of her with a rope stretched across the street. Actually, the idea was a good one. Left to its own devices, the media will swarm a candidate. How do I know? At a presidential candidate appearance a few weeks ago, my wife and I made the mistake of getting between the candidate and the press. We became trapped by the mob of reporters and had to wait 15 minutes to work ourselves free.

Candidates walking in a parade want to see and be seen. Office seekers want to see people lining the street so that they can wave to them and, in turn, be seen by those attending the parade. That won’t happen if a ring of reporters constantly surround candidates as they are walking.

Hillary staffer Nick Merrill explained it this way. “We wanted to accommodate the press, allow her to greet voters, and allow the press to be right there in the parade with her as opposed to preset locations. And that’s what we did.” (ABC News, 7/5/2015)

But that wasn’t the way the media saw it. Conservative Boston Globe columnist Jeff Jacoby (7/7/15) let forth a blast of purple prose. “Her campaign staff actually corralled reporters, roping them off like farm animals to keep them far from the former first lady.” Anybody have any purple ink remover?

What do we learn from all this? Never attempt to keep piranhas away from their prey.

And then there was the speech by Donald Trump in which he announced his intention to run for president. Trump reminds me of someone from the world of professional wrestling. Bragging, exaggeration, fabrication and personal attacks are his stock in trade. Trump is such a comical figure that he proves irresistible to those in the humor business. And I think Trump adds immeasurably to the entertainment value of politics, so I’m delighted by his entry into the presidential race.

Trump outdid himself in his speech announcing his candidacy. “Donald Trump yesterday proclaimed. ‘sadly the American Dream is dead,’ slammed Secretary of State John F. Kerry’s cycling skills, compared China’s leaders to Tom Brady and crowed that he is ‘really rich.’ ‘I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created, I tell you.’” (Boston Herald, 6/17/2015).

Even more astonishing than Trump’s speech was the revelation that he had hired actors to swell the size of the crowd listening to him. The Hollywood Reporter wrote (6/17/15) “Donald Trump’s big presidential announcement on Tuesday was made a little bigger with help from paid actors - at $50 a pop. New York-based Extra Mile Casting sent an email last Friday to its client list of background actors, seeking extras to beef up attendance at Trump’s event . . .

“A casting call was sent out last week ‘looking to cast people for the event to wear t-shirts and carry signs and help cheer him in support of his announcement.”

Now, it’s hard to make up something funnier than that. But, I’ve tried in my new book, “Selling Mt. Washington.” Oscar Wilde wrote, “Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life.”

I can’t say that the Hillary campaign got the idea of the rope line from my book, but I will say that a parade plays a part not only in her candidacy, but also in my novel. There, an amiable klutz by the name of Charlie Beezer, who is running an uphill campaign for the New Hampshire State Senate, has the opportunity to appear in a parade. Does he ride with the mayor or a beauty queen in an open convertible? No way. Charlie figures that he can get much more attention if he walks along behind the mounted police patrol and scoops up after the horses. And noticed he is, much to the amusement and amazement of the crowd lining the parade route. Now, that’s something that even Donald Trump wouldn’t do. And that’s saying a lot.

“Selling Mt. Washington” is available at River Run Bookstore, Discover Portsmouth, and Tugboat Alley in Portsmouth; The Water Street Bookstore and The Country Store at RiverWoods in Exeter; the Galley Hatch gift shop in Hampton, and on-line at Amazon.com.