Patton: A Hair-Raising Tale About Donald Trump

Out of nowhere, Mary Margaret Bannister was pulled out of a Greenville, South Carolina, audience and asked to check whether or not Donald Trump was wearing a toupee. How did that unlikely situation come about?

It all started with a provocative statement by Trump about Mexicans (Business Insider, 7/6/2015). “What can be simpler or more accurately stated? The Mexican Government is forcing their most unwanted people into the United States, They are, in many cases, criminals, drug dealers, rapists, etc.”

Not surprisingly, that statement provoked an angry response from the Hispanic community in the United States. “Ricardo Sanchez, , known as ‘El Mandril’ on his Spanish drive-time radio show in Los Angeles, has taken to calling Donald J. Trump ‘El hombre del peluquin’ - the man of the toupee.
“Some of Mr. Sanchez’s listeners are less kind, referring to Mr. Trump, who has dismissed some Mexican immigrants as ‘rapists’ and criminals, simply as ‘Hitler.’” (New York Times, 8/26/2015).

Trump. never one to take criticism lightly, was particularly offended by the accusation that he wears a toupee. Enter Mary Margaret Bannister and her inspection of Trump’s hair.

Bannister, along with 1400 other audience members, was attending the Upstate Chamber Presidential Series in Greenville to hear Trump speak. Suddenly, Trump exclaimed, “”I don’t wear a toupee. It’s my hair! I swear!’ He then invited (Bannister) onto the stage to prove his hair is real.
‘Come here. Come here. We’re going to settle this,’ he said. ‘you have to do an inspection here. This is getting crazy. This is crazy. Just real quick; we don’t want to mess it up too much because I do use hairspray.” (Business Insider, 7/27/2015).

Bannister gingerly touched Trump’s hair and declared that she could see its roots. “To me it looked real. It was not a toupee, Bannister told CNN.” (CNN, 8/28/2015).

Now that question is answered, but the follow-up to that one is “Does Donald Trump have an elaborate comb-over.?” Intrepid Granite Staters might try a test of that idea during Trump’s next visit to New Hampshire. However, there may be a limit to Trump’s patience for personal questions, and you certainly don’t want to be “thrown under the bus” by his acerbic tongue and find yourself alongside some unfortunate Mexicans.

The “Search for Donald Trump’s Toupee” is one of many crazy publicity stunts being performed by presidential candidates. “These wacky stunts have a serious goal: reaching millenials, and doing it on the cheap. The campaigns aspire to fill the Facebook feeds and Twitter timelines of millions of voters, perhaps prompting them to research a candidate’s policy positions. At least, that’s how the campaigns’ thinking goes.” (Boston Globe, 8/17/2015).

Bobby Jindal did push-ups in Buzzfeed’s offices while competing against people wearing T-shirts with words like “taxes” and “Obamacare” printed on the front. In a video, Carla Fiorina talked down to men playing her subordinates. After having his cell phone number revealed by Donald Trump, Lindsay Graham used a golf club and a meat cleaver in an attempt to destroy his phone. Retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson showed how to cheat on the children’s game entitled “Operation.” Ted Cruz tried to fry bacon by firing an AR-15 with pork strips wrapped around the barrel.

Undignified? Unbefitting aspirants for the highest office in the land? These publicity stunts have a long history. In the close 1968 presidential election, while appearing briefly on Rowan and Martin’s television program “Laugh-In,” presidential candidate Richard Nixon uttered the immortal words “Sock it to me.” That was it. Nothing more. The nation was shocked (and amused). And things have been going downhill ever since. Bring in the clowns. Let the hi-jinks continue.

Gary Patton has recently published a political satire about New Hampshire politics entitled “Selling Mt. Washington.” “Selling Mt. Washington” is now available in Portsmouth at the River Run Bookstore , Discover Portsmouth, and Tugboat Alley. In Exeter, this book can be obtained at The Water Street Bookstore and the Country Store at RiverWoods. In Hampton, look for it at the Galley Hatch gift shop. In North Hampton, it is available at “The Book Outlet.” In Concord, “Selling Mt. Washington” can be found at Gibson’s Bookstore. It is also available on-line at Amazon.com.