Valentine´s Day serves as a reminder of our affection for others, a day when we focus on lavishing them with gifts and words of love.
Many people forget that the ability to truly love others is rooted in one´s ability to love him or herself. Worse yet, most people do not take time to reflect on what makes them lovable, or how they deserve their own love and attention.
That´s where self care comes in.
It was America´s favorite red-headed comedienne who said:
¨Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.¨
- Lucille Ball
To follow Lucy´s advice, start by making time to do the things that feed your soul, whether that includes making art, filling out a crossword puzzle, soaking in a bubble bath, running marathons, or simply reading an absorbing book. According to psychologists, if you don´t make time for yourself, you won´t have the energy to properly love others.
Many people feel guilty about taking time for themselves, but they shouldn´t, say experts. Human beings function interdependently, meaning taking time for yourself will lead to a more positive, nurturing outlook toward others.
Other forms of self care include meditation, yoga, tai chi, and massage. Each of these practices help to calm the mind, clearing it of the whirlwind of thoughts most of us experience every day. As with the body, the mind needs rest to rejuvenate and cleanse itself. A clear mind helps a person see greater possibilities as well as to appreciate the positive aspects of life and those who surround us.
Therapy is an obvious, but often overlooked, path to self care. A large number of people suffer from anxiety and depression, conditions that can undermine a person´s care for his or her personal condition, or even lead to self-loathing. Therapists can teach cognitive behavioral skills necessary to realign one's thoughts and better function on a day-to-day basis.
Learn to say ¨no." Many of us overextend ourselves, feeling obliged to say yes to every request for our time that comes our way. None of us is capable of being all things to all people. In fact, trying to be is a sure way to ensure you are incapable of being enough for yourself and those you love.
It is best to reserve the space and time for self care to keep it going. Put your yoga or massage appointments - even your meditation or home spa time - in your calendar, and stick to them. Remember that self care is non-negotiable.
Another benefit of self care is that you establish the precedent for how you are treated in the world. Others can tell when you don´t respect yourself, and the more predatory personalities will see that as an opportunity to swoop in. Self care leads to self love, which stops emotional opportunism in its tracks.
As Valentine´s Day approaches, take some time to consider what you need to feel loved by yourself, and then make sure it happens! Your loved ones will thank you for it.
