Social Media Is The Latest Tactic In Domestic Violence

NEW JERSEY — "I'll be watching you," is the warning repeated in a classic song. But for victims of domestic violence, the words reflect a more dangerous reality.

As technology has embedded itself into our lives from our phones to our doorbells, online security is the latest area domestic violence experts are tackling with clients.

"Social media can both help and hurt victims of domestic violence," observes Amanda L. Murray of the Center For Hope & Safety in Bergen County. Murray is also Domestic Violence Liaison to the state Division of Child Protection and Permanency.

The Center is in Rochelle Park and is Bergen County’s only not-for-profit organization dedicated to helping adults and children rebuild their lives beyond domestic violence and abuse, the organization says.

Victims of domestic violence are often isolated and social media connections to family members and friends can be comforting, even a lifeline, Murray said.

But these connections also can open a virtual door to their abuser, who can use it to observe their movements, literally see who comes to their home through a connection to the household doorbell app, and even use it it as a means to undermine a victim's reputation, Murray said.

"Abuse is all about control over a victim, and abusers find a way," Murray said.

And in terms of technology and domestic violence, "The abuser hasn't changed, but the tactics have," she added.

Most clients don't want to give up their social media connections, she said.

For example, apart from the support of family and other people, there are many online support groups for victims of domestic violence that provide valuable information, she added.

Be aware of your cyber surroundings

So providing clients with practical advice is crucial and that's where New Jersey's domestic violence agencies come in, Murray said.

She said that each of the state's 21 counties has a program to shelter or support domestic violence victims. And they are addressing the safe and secure use of online social media sites.

The impacts of cyber stalking, or hacking personal Facebook or Instagram sites can be devastating, Murray said.

Every client's case is unique, but abusers can post "distorted or harmful photos or information" if they hack a social media site, Murray said. This can affect a client's reputation or even their livelihood.

"Depending on the circumstances, if a restraining order is in place the authorities can get involved with cyber harassment," she said.

Murray gives some common sense advice about securing online safety. For example, be aware of who your Facebook friends' friends are - the abuser might be one. And she says be very aware of what you post on Facebook that could identify your location.

Murray said financial abuse is prevalent. She advises changing passwords on important financial accounts, such as personal checking or savings accounts and debit and credit cards.

"Technology changes so fast, we have to be sure we can keep up with it," Murray says of the advocates for clients.

And she said the National Network to End Domestic Violence has a Technology Safety Toolkit that can be invaluable in this discussion and its website has a "wealth of information" on the topic.

Control your tech

The site notes that "If it seems like the person knows too much about you, they could be getting that information from a variety of sources, by monitoring your devices, accessing your online accounts, tracking your location, or gathering information about you online."

Here are some solutions summarized from network's website:

• Consider using a safer device: If you think that someone is monitoring your computer, tablet, or mobile device, try using a different device that the person hasn’t had physical or remote access to in the past, such as a computer at a library or a friend’s phone or a pay-as-you-go phone. Put a passcode on the new device, and don’t link it to your old cloud accounts.
• But don't necessarily disconnect from your tech. Some abusers may escalate their behavior if they feel they’ve lost access to the victim. So before removing a hidden camera that you’ve found, or a GPS tracker, think through how the abuser may respond and plan for your safety.
• Identify abusive monitoring patterns. If the abusive person has hinted that they are watching you, think about what they know. Do they only know what you are doing in a certain area of your home? If so, there may be a hidden camera in that room. And consider trying a camera detector.
• Change passwords and usernames. Create a new email address with a non-identifying username instead of your actual name or other revealing information.
• Check your devices and settings. Go through your mobile device, apps, and online accounts, and check the privacy settings to make sure that other devices or accounts aren’t connected to yours, and that any device-to-device access, like Bluetooth, is turned off when you’re not using it. Delete any apps on your device that you’re unfamiliar with.
• Protect your location. If you are concerned about a hidden tracking device in your car or other belongings, a law enforcement agency, private investigator, or a car mechanic may be able to check for you.

Low-tech measures

There are also some low-tech methods anyone concerned with privacy can pursue, the National Network to End Domestic Violence says on its website. For example, if you’re concerned about someone finding your address, you might open a private mail box. Tell friends and family not to share your address, and be cautious around giving it out to local business, the website advises.

It's also good to be cautious about sharing information for discount cards or online accounts. That information is often sold to third parties, and later ends up online in people-search engines and with data brokers. When possible, opt out of information collection, the website says.

"You can get creative, for instance, instead of using your first and last name, use your first and last initials. You can also use a free virtual phone number, such as Google Voice, to give yourself an alternative number to share when you need to," the website says.

Reporting incidents

Another option for victims of abuse is to document any incidents of cyber stalking, according to the National Network to End Domestic Violence. This can show police or the court a pattern of behavior that fits a legal definition of stalking or harassment.

Instances of online stalking can also be reported to law enforcement or used to seek a protective order. If the harassing behavior is online, you can also report it to the website or app where the harassment is happening, the website says.

Resources

These resources can connect a victim to a nearby advocate in your area:

• Center for Hope & Safety in Bergen County at 201-944-9600
• New Jersey Statewide Domestic Violence Helpline at 1-800-572-SAFE (7233)
• National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233
• National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673
• National Human Trafficking hotline at 888-373-7888
• National Domestic Violence Videophone for Deaf Survivors at 1-855-812-1001 or
• Text LOVEIS to 22522 or for anyone who is too unsafe to talk

The list of county agencies and other information on how to protect oneself legally in New Jersey is here.