A Giving Mom, A Grieving Daughter, And A Search For Dignity

In life, Anna Capizzo was the kind of person who did everything she could for others.

"She lived for her kids, and she lived for her grandkids," her daughter, Denise Capizzo Stewart said this week. "She was a very giving woman. She would literally give you the clothes off her back even when she didn't have it to give."

Even as she dealt with the effects of Type 1 diabetes, Anna Capizzo, who had lived in Hazlet for more than 25 years, took care of her family and her friends. If you came by her home, you could count on eating a meal.

"And she never just cooked for one or two people; she cooked for 17," Denise said with a laugh. "You always went home with leftovers."

And while the Type 1 diabetes took a toll — she had a triple bypass in 1984, when Denise was young — Anna Capizzo never let the illness that she was diagnosed with as a young girl keep her from living her life. She trained her kids and grandkids how to give her an insulin shot in case of an emergency, but she didn't dwell on her condition.

"You develop this feeling that 'Mommy's invincible,' because she never let it stop her," Denise said. The stark reality of Anna's passing — she suffered kidney failure after an infection — has left Denise and her siblings with the grief of losing their mother. Her death also has left the family faced with a huge problem: how to pay for her funeral.

"They had nothing," said Denise, whose parents had moved in with her, her husband and their five children in Bayville, where the Stewarts had moved to from Brick just over a year ago. The costs of Anna's insulin and some of the persistent health problems associated with the diabetes cost them their home.

"(My father) was spending $40,000 a year" on her medications, Denise said. He retired thinking they would get the help to pay for her health care, but the effect was the opposite: he was told she wasn't eligible for coverage through the union and to apply for Medicare. Medicare told him that because Anna, 72, had not worked a paying job — she had been a stay-at-home mother — he would have to play $8,000 for Medicare.

"Every time she had a doctor's appointment, he had to pay cash," Denise said.

"They were living with us and living paycheck," and at every turn there were problems and complications that left Anna without critical insurance coverage. Some of her hospitalizations were being paid for by New Jersey's charity care system, but not all.

There's no charity system, however, when it comes to paying for funeral expenses.

And the cost of Anna Capizzo's funeral: $12,000, for a bare minimum of services, and that doesn't include the cemetery plot or those related expenses.

"I've realized the importance of having some kind of backup," Denise said, so funeral costs are taken care of. The only benefit available is a $1,000 death benefit through the union her father worked for. None of it solves the immediate problem.

"Who wants to hear it's going to be so many thousands of dollars to treat your loved one with dignity?" Denise said. She and her husband are strapped — their oldest son is in college — and without options. They don't carry credit cards, and the funeral home said the expenses must be paid in full before the funeral.

"I'm shocked that there is no payment arrangement," Denise said. "Even cremation is expensive, it's not that much less."

"How do people do it when they have nothing?" she asked.

With her mother's funeral scheduled for Sunday and Monday at Day Funeral Home in Keyport, she's asking for help. "I don't have any other options."

"She was always there for us," Denise said. "It just feels awful that I can't offer support for her after (her death)."

If you are willing to help, Denise has set up a Facebook fundraiser. Click here to donate. If you want to help but would feel more comfortable, Denise said money can be sent directly to Day Funeral Home, 361 Maple Ave., Keyport, 07735.

"It's not going to bring her back," Denise said. "I just want to say goodbye to her with dignity."

Read Anna Soto Capizzo's full obituary here.

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