Continuing to Teach Empathy and Decision Making Through the Teenage Years and Beyond

We have all heard it said, “Little children, little problems; Big children, big problems.”

Only a few months after we moved to the 08520 [1998], there was a fatal car crash on Etra Road. The car carried and was driven by local high school teens, one was killed. At the time, my children were way too young to address this. As the years went on, it was something I continued to think about when other tragedies plagued the 08520 and surrounding areas. Another tragedy I recall was a carload of [kids] that left the popular local club KatMandu one weekend night heading home to Hamilton. This car also carried a high school senior who was killed, a child with a promising future. There were a handful of other accidents and tragedies. Just 2 years ago a beautiful young woman my daughter went to high school with was murdered by her college boyfriend; http://www.emilyfund.org/emily.htm. I had had the pleasure of meeting Emily and everything written about her in her memory is true. “Emily Rachel Silverstein’s compassion, passion and creativity touched many lives.” (Please take a moment and visit this web site in dedication of Emily and raising awareness of dating violence.)

When you’re a parent you cannot begin to put yourself in the shoes of a parent who lost a child, but you can talk about it to help guide your children. You cannot feel the pain of the parent, but the sympathy you feel is strong and deep. How do you try to keep your child safe and make the right decisions? Sometimes finding the right dialogue and the right moment is tough. No one said the mystery of good parenting would come easy. Parents —don’t shelter your teens from this type of grief, talk about it.

Most recently, an Allentown high school senior girl went missing, only to be “found” 5 days later. Imagine the unthinkable. Another tragedy that will haunt me, as my sincere sympathy goes out to this aching family. I watched and participated as masses went to social media to help to find her. Within these 5 days, over 13,000 joined a Facebook page to help find her and many used the #missing hashtag on their Twitter feeds in hope. A billboard was donated and erected at a busy interchange on RT 206 and a cousin was interviewed and the video was posted online. What concerns me as a parent is, were there clues that family and friends didn’t see about the internal stress this young girl was experiencing, or did she feel alone with no one to go to? How do we grow as parents and be a family “team” and make our children understand and believe that there is no one closer they can go to, that we will be understanding and listen with genuine concern and no judgment then their parents? This is how I feel. Although throughout these 22 years I have been raising my family I have been heard to say, “I don’t care what you’ve done or how bad you think it is, tell me and we can always work through it — together,” there are things, rightly so, that my kids do not tell me. I easily reflect back to their age and I believe that there are things that your kids don’t need to share.

My daily mantra to myself is, “I only hope nothing ever happens to my children that's bad, but if ever, I pray they come to me” for guidance, for comfort and maybe even for some wisdom. Mine also grew up hearing quotes like, “I brought you into this world; I can take you out.” —(This is the NY Girl in me!) And, “You play, you pay.” – (This refers to consequences for actions) and, “make wise decisions.” “Think first.” I also believe the choices you make define who you are. Yet, it is very, very tough to grow up. Peer pressure, bullying, and socially; who are you and who do you want to be. [Just be yourself and who you are, because this will take you through life happily.]

The thought that continually runs through my head this week is, “Tell the ones that matter that you love them and care about them, because you never know if there will be a tomorrow….”.