Rude Is The New Black

A few weeks ago, I dropped my daughter off at a college in Massachusetts. We love the school. And the town it's in has a really nice feel to it. It's hard to believe it's only 20 miles outside of Boston...a major metro area. I've lived outside of both NY and Philadelphia during my life. Perhaps being close to those areas jaded me...but I stopped expecting people to be polite. And before you jump on me for "generalizing," when was the last time that someone was genuinely nice around here?

While we were up there, we needed to stop at Walmart. Last minute "gotta haves" for the new college student. I'm still recovering form a foot surgery, so walking is both painful and limited. Though I hate it, I used one of those motorized carts out of sheer desperation. A little girl of about seven ran in front of me. I stopped the cart without a problem, and told her to go ahead. She shook her head. "Oh no...you FIRST!" she said. I looked at her mom. She didn't look at all surprised by the courtesy. She just smiled and nodded.

In town, if we got turned around, people were friendly, and helpful. My daughter called me a few days later and said "Mom...you won't believe this. I was the last one on the campus shuttle, and a guy got up and GAVE ME HIS SEAT." This was lovely to hear...and sort of awful. My daughter at 20, doesn't expect courtesy.  Sorry...but that's a sad testament.

Last week, I needed to go to ShopRite. Again...I used the cart. I hate them...but longer than an aisle or two, and I am finished. So...I tried to make my way through the store. People cut me off left and right with their carts. They rolled their eyes. I felt miserable and self conscious...but the disdain was unmistakable.

And just yesterday I was at a different market up in Freehold. And it was WORSE. More people cutting me off---or literally blocking me. I was trying to reach some apple sauce, and one woman literally tried to get between me and jar I was reaching for. I was sort of hard to miss...but she did. Another tried to beat me to the checkout...as if there was an Indy flag involved. I looked her in the eye and said "Would you like to go first?" She replied..."No...I guess not." Mine? "Well I wouldn't want to be in YOUR way.

When I tried to use the Redbox, two young boys were playing with it. Their mom was in line, packing her bags. I politely asked them if I could get to it, and they stared at me a moment...then went on playing. A man also needed the machine. He said "Come on guys...they lady needs to use that. Could you back off?" THEN their mother noticed...and stared daggers at the guy. How DARE he talk to her kids like that?

So I guess rude is the new black. Everyone is stressed, or in a hurry...no time to be polite. I've only had to use carts the last year or so...but I've had to use handicapped parking for a while. I get LOOKS...sometimes even comments when they figure out "what my handicap" might be. I use a cane...and people stare.  But not in Salem. There, people were courteous. They went out of their way to be helpful. I felt...well...like a person.

The funny part is that I grew up hearing how rude people were, around Boston. Not that I noticed. So I will continue to rail at rude. I boycott weddings when the invite specifies a cash gift...in raised letters. I don't reward bad behavior by assuming it is "normal" anymore. When someone flips me off, after nearly killing me in traffic when they yak on their cell phone, I don't think its OK. When a toddler decides its fun to hang off my cane...I don't smile.

But rather than just complain, I've decided to wage a one woman campaign against the manner-less. When a child IS polite, I thank them, and congratulate the parents...effusively. When I get good service in a store, or restaurant, I make sure the boss knows. I write letters to Corporate, to thank them. I also write letters when someone does an epic fail in the same area.

Perhaps I am yelling in the wind. Perhaps I am just crazy...but it seems like trying to ignore it hasn't done much. Rude is rude. Parents don't teach their kids the basics...or are failing to notice when they get ignored. I would rather tell someone that their child has beautiful manners...and i do. But mom and dad could use a few tips from Miss Manners. And until that becomes a priority, rude will stay around.

Be the change you seek.

Namaste.