What You Can't Put On a Resume

I am not the person I thought I would be, 30 years ago.

In many ways, I am much MORE than I thought I could be...but the focus today is on the resume.  Specifically what to list on my resume, bearing in mind the "rules". A decade ago, I had a job I loved, working at the local library. I was involved with community service...something I also enjoyed. But I was also the mom of a lovely, smart ten year old girl, who through no fault of her own, needed a LOT of time, attention and focus.

So, I quit the "extra stuff", and dug in to help my daughter. She was diagnosed as having Dyspraxia, a little known motor skill development disorder. Her case was mild, and did not involve learning disorders---but it effected her in the normal school day. Kids can be cruel. Teachers can be clueless. I was told to put her on Ritalin, though attention was not one of her issues.

I used the skills I learned as Library assistant to research it, and then found the pediatric specialist who could help us get the right educational setting she needed. I found support groups, and obscure references, and don't regret a moment I spent doing it .My daughter is now in college. She made National Honor Society in high school, and even qualified for NJ Stars.

But you can't tell an employer you took off years of work to help your child. There's no "good way" to put that on a resume, and hope to even get as far an interview. I am a "traitor" to the working class. I let my child become more important than my income. So thirty years after college, I am applying for minimum wage jobs. The pieces in my portfolio are hopelessly dated. "Community Service" is regarded as a nice extra...but it's not meat. I've got net skills, but nothing I have ever been paid for.  My first collection of poetry was published in 2005, and isn't vanity press...but that's POETRY...which people love, but don't think of as "real writing".The fact that my book is in the Library of Congress is cool...but won't get me a job.

It's vexing. We live in a society that supposedly values families...right until what you do to honor that commitment separated you from the herd. I can edit, proof read, write circles around most people. I have advocated for the Special Needs community in Trenton, and even in Washington DC, at the Senate, and the House of Representatives.

But my resume is thin. It has holes. I'm supposed to find a way to explain my life and choices in a way that will impress an employer. I can't say that I spent the time taking care of one special, brilliant little girl, who has grown into an impressive and amazing young woman. Lots of people do that. I can't say that when  push came to shove, I chose my family...because that makes me a "bad risk" as an employee.

I wish I could sit the HR people down (most who are now half my age), and explain that my life didn't make me less. I wish I could show them that I  have grown in patience, and skills. I wish I could demonstrate that I am more fearless than I was 30 years ago---when stepping outside my "skill set" was unthinkable. And I really wish I could let them know that I actually LIKE the silver in my hair.

But you can't put that on a resume.