Homework: What Is a Parent's Responsibility?

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council—Susan Masone, Siri Heinrichs, Cristina Fowler, Christine O'Brien and our intrepid columnist Lauren Kim—takes your questions, gives advice and shares their solutions to the problems vexing all of us.

Have a question you would like to share, or just want to provide your opinion on the question of the week? Head over to the comments section to do just that.

So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation today with the following question:

Homework: What is a parent's role and how involved should a parent be?

Susan Masone: I have had numerous conferences over the past five years, and all teachers tell me the same thing. Homework is the child's responsibility. A parent’s responsibility is to oversee that it is getting done and to be there in case there are any questions of how to go about completing an assignment. I had made the mistake many times in the past by getting into arguments with my girls about getting their homework done. One teacher pointed out to me that is not what homework is for. It should be a review of what they learned in class. If the child truly does not understand the material, the teacher should know this so the teacher can allow extra time to understand the material. If it is a matter of the child would rather just not do the homework, then I let my children know it is their responsibility. The teacher will find out the next morning that the child did not put the effort into their homework and the teacher will discuss the importance of the homework in the morning. I feel it is my job as a parent to be on the same page as the teacher.

Christine O’Brien: Most teachers will probably tell you that you should let your child make mistakes on their homework and leave them. The teacher can use their homework as a tool to assess what the child understands or needs help with.

During the elementary school years, my husband and I prefer to look over homework so we know how our child is doing. If the child doesn’t understand a concept, he/she can be encouraged to ask the teacher for help and the parents should also help at home as well.

Sometimes a follow-up email to the teacher is a good idea as some children often “forget” to ask their teacher once they get to school the next day. At the middle school level, the child should be pretty independent. At this point, the child needs to learn to take ownership of their homework and if they don’t understand it, seek out a teacher’s help. Parents, of course, should be aware of how their child is doing just in case the child needs help from sources outside the school (i.e. tutoring).

Siri Heinrichs: A parent’s role is to create independent, self-sufficient human beings. With any luck, they also become healthy, intelligent and compassionate. While there is no race to get this done, I believe they are never too young to start this process. In their early years, a parent is completely involved in a child’s growth. And gradually, as they grow, a part of our job is to let go, little by little.

Cristina Fowler: From the moment my daughter steps off the bus on days Monday through Thursday, she is a girl on a mission. No sooner is she through the door, she is at my desk checking her teacher's online homework page. She settles in at the kitchen table with her assignment and pencil (snack set off to the side) and proceeds to complete her task. Of course, my 4-year-old son also sits at the kitchen table prepared to "help" his sister or simply labors over writing a list of what he would like Santa to bring him (the list, as you can imagine, is forever evolving). On days when I work from home, I guide my daughter through the directions and tasks. On days when I am at the office, she leaves her completed assignments on my desk for us to review before we sit for dinner. In both instances, I am fully involved in her homework. 

My husband and I believe it's extremely important to establish strong homework routines early on in our children's education. When they are so young, our guidance is essential.  Eventually, as they begin to make the connection with being attentive in class, completed homework and good grades, their good habits will be part of their routines and our involvement will be less necessary. We have also come to realize that our daughter feels ownership in the way she completes her assignments and that this really increases her self esteem. It always amazes us when she is able to tackle a math problem or spell a word we would think is advanced for her age. So for now, her homework is part of my daily to-do tasks until the day calculus or biology comes out of her backpack!

Lauren Kim: I make it my job to know what my children’s homework is, so I know what my children should complete and to make sure it gets into their backpacks for the next day, and to be there should they have any questions about their math or spelling homework, etc. (Both of my daughters are in the second grade.)

But the extent to which I get involved with their homework has fluctuated over the school year. At first, I used to look over my children’s homework every nightand ask them to rework any spelling or math that they got wrong (without revealing the correct answer, so they could figure it out themselves). But after one of my daughter’s teachers told me at a teacher’s conference that a parent shouldn’t interfere too much with homework, and that it’s best for a teacher to see mistakes and help a student learn from them, I laid off the homework for a bit.

But, when the same teacher told me at the next parent-teacher conference that she noticed that I had been having less involvement in my daughter’s homework (which made me feel like I was slipping in my responsibilities), I went back to my first tactic of checking my daughters’ homework every night and working through any problems with them that they ran into.

I usually notice that the homework mistakes my daughters make are simple ones that they can easily correct. If I were to see that my either of daughters were having serious difficulties with their work, I would make sure that her teacher knew so she could help my child understand the material.

In essence, I find that it’s a difficult tightrope to walk between helping too much and helping too little with a child’s homework. I want to be there for my children and to do what I can to help them succeed academically, but I don’t want to go as far as helping them too much or hanging over them excessively, squashing any independence, creativity or self-confidence that they have. Their work should be their work, and they should be able to take pride in their — ones they have achieved and won on their own, not with Mommy’s help.