Pre-Nuptial agreements are not universally viewed in a positive light. Many attorneys feel that a document that discusses the prospect of divorce even before the nuptials have occurred is a real "downer". Such a document can take the excitement out of the pre-wedding period. I believe that Pre-Nuptials do serve a purpose but they cannot appear to be unduly focused on money and asset division. I urge clients to consider how to make the agreement one that also shows the love and commitment that the couple is planning to make to one another. Five suggestions for making the Pre-Nuptial more "warm and fuzzy" are described below:
1. Reciprocal Support Clauses
Many attorneys advise their client to insert clauses about support in the event of divorce. I suggest that all such clauses are to be made reciprocal. If the wife expects support if she is divorced while ill, unemployed, etc., it is only fair that the alternative clause be drafted in the event of Husband's illness, unemployment, etc. Such an action shows the true concern each party should have for the other, even if divorce will occur.
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2. Relationship with Unborn Children
The Pre-Nuptial agreement looks at the "big picture" of future eventualities. I encourage parties to state that they will do everything possible to ensure that their spouse will have opportunities to develop a positive relationship with the yet unborn children. While such statements have little legal viability, they state clearly that children will not be used as pawns in the eventuality of divorce.
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3. Communication and Mutual Concern
All Pre-Nuptials have a very business-like tone attached to themselves. To mitigate this impact, I ask that a clause be inserted that notwithstanding this agreement, the couple is committed to their relationship and will work on developing positive communication and mutual concern.
4. Mediation Agreement
It is essential to put in the Pre-Nuptial agreement that the couple will go to mediation, rather than litigation, if any issues covered in the agreement are eventually contested.
5. Seek Help for Marital Difficulties
Divorce is not uncommon but neither is it inevitable. I try to emphasize this by asking the client to insert a paragraph stating that the couple will go to seek professional help in the event of marital difficulties. Divorce lawyers should not be the first resort when marital stresses appear.
Pre-Nuptial Agreements can afford us achance to focus on why the marital relationship is so important. Some of the above suggestions go a long way to humanizing this pre-marital document.
Martin Rosenfeld is a family attorney and mediator, in Fair Lawn,NJ. He can be reached at 201.794.4545 or Rosenfeld@Juno.Com
