The Best of the Restrooms

Shopping, eating, hanging out with friends … there are plenty of fun things to do at the mall. Of course, there’s also a dark underbelly: being accosted by kiosk attendants, near run-ins with the kiddie train, and using public restrooms.

It’s unpleasant, but inevitable.

Nature just may call at the mall (especially now that we have a Starbucks). In order to save you some horror stories of your own, I’ve done the legwork in checking out which restrooms, well, stink.

Now, keep in mind that I can only truly speak to the ladies’ rooms, but the cleanliness should pretty much carry over to the coordinating men’s rooms.

In order from what I believe is worst to best, your bets for mall restrooms are thus:

Sears, lower level, near Vision Center. Avoid, avoid, avoid. The smell alone when someone opens this door in my vicinity is enough to make me hold it. 

JC Penney, lower level, near shoe section. A bit hit-or-miss as to cleanliness.  It’s sort of out of the way of, well, everything; also, to reach it you have to walk to the far end of the store and down a sketchy hallway. 

Johnny Rocket’s.  Moderately clean because it gets less traffic relative to others. There is only one stall, so you may have to wait or have someone awkwardly hover outside the door once you’re in. It can be used by non-patrons, but you’ll have to walk all the way through the restaurant to do so.

Ruby Tuesday. This bathroom is nice and clean, but a little dim. And again, to use it you more or less need to be eating here.

Nordstrom, middle level. Points for being swanky.  They call it a “lounge” and the women’s, at least, contains those sorts of plush couches you see in movie ladies’ rooms that mystify men.

Old Navy.  I didn’t even know this existed until recently because it is tucked unassumingly into the wall at the women’s side.  In all fairness, though, there is a big sign overhead that says “I Gotta Go,” so I guess I should have known.  There are two single-stall situations, and they’re quite clean (and well-stocked with extra toilet paper).

Food court, upper level. The restrooms operated by the mall itself definitely win in my book; they’re simply the best-maintained. This one actually used to be a trainwreck, but now it’s clean and fresh and totally pleasant.

Public restroom, lower level near Lord & Taylor. For my money, this is the way to go. As opposed to the food court, this location is a little off the beaten track and therefore less frequented. I’ve always found it clean and never had to wait in line. Honestly, I sometimes even leave work to use it in lieu of the employee bathroom -- now that’s an endorsement.

It may not be pleasant. Your mind may be reeling with visions of bare toilet paper rolls and filthy sinks. But fret not, for the mall has got you covered. Fear public restrooms no more, mall maniacs!