Gloucester Township Police Share Tips To Help Prevent Teenage Runaways

Gloucester Township, NJ -- The Gloucester Township Police Department shared the following tips from the National Runaway Safeline as part of National Runaway Prevention Month on Tuesday:

Do’s and Don’ts for Parenting Teens

• Don't say you'll be glad when your child is 18 and can get out of your house or that they have to be out when they turn 18 because when teens hear that, they feel they can leave prior to 18 since they are only tolerated until then.
• Pick your battles. Not everything matters. Let them have freedom with some things (like dying hair - it can be changed!), but not with the important stuff - dating, internet use, drugs, alcohol, drinking and driving, etc.
• Don't' use SHAME. Avoid all comments or gestures that invoke shame...like looks of disapproval or comments like “how can you say that or think that?” You can disagree with a teen or any child but do not turn your disagreement into a message that says “you are shameful for having that thought or that opinion” which also translates into you are a bad person for thinking that way.
• Dealing with the “knows everything” teen...Don't get hooked...They are not a finished product and their brain hasn't finished developing. Their “know everything” behavior is an effort to gain control of a churning inner world as they transition to adulthood.
• When it's time to talk with teens about a tough or sensitive topic, it is important to share some of your personal experiences, but not to over share.
• If any family member seeks counseling, the entire family should participate.
• Tell your child about the mistakes you’ve made and what you wish you had done differently.
• It is your job to teach your child how to live life as a responsible and self-sufficient adult. They should and will grow up and start living their life. You should support them in this transition.
• Stop nagging. When you continually harp on every little misdeed, teens tune you out. Better to pick two or three important issues, and ask them, “How can we solve this together?”
• Don’t do chores or clean-up for them. It’s tempting to break down and do it yourself, but the only thing you’re teaching your teen is that you really don’t think he’s responsible or capable.
• Stick to consequences. If you don’t, kids know that your words are meaningless.
• Skip the lectures. Actions, not words, mean more to teenagers. If you say you’re going to take away video games (or the car keys) for a week, just do it – don’t keep talking about it.
• Don’t dole out consequences in the heat of an argument. Wait till you’ve both cooled down instead.
• Validate your teen’s point of view. Sometimes kids just want to know that you hear what they say, even if you don’t agree.
• Collaborate on rules. Your teen is more likely to comply with rules she helped set up.
• Make eye contact. Your teen is more likely to feel like he’s being spoken to – rather than spoken at – if you are directly facing him.
• Make the consequences something you can live with. For example, it’s more effective to take away her iPad or hair products than to not allow her to go to the Homecoming dance, as you may not want to follow through on taking that opportunity away from your teen.
• Let your teen know you are disappointed in his behavior, but you will never stop loving him.
• Teens are going to make mistakes. It’s a part of the process of growing up. Let them know you will still be there when they stumble and fall.
• If you have set an expectation or a consequence for misbehavior, follow through so that your child understands that her behavior makes a real difference.

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