Health & Fitness
WANK'S WORLD: Nice David Ortiz T-Shirt Jersey—From the Cherry Hill Mall
If you go down to Citizens Bank Park and you happen to bump into of these imperious, self-important fans, do me a favor—ask them what part of the Cape they are from.
I hate the Boston Red Sox. I hate their damn fans, too.
Self-anointed as "The Nation," fans of the Red Sox have undergone an unfortunate metamorphosis. Once romanticized as passionate diehards of a team lost in the shadows of New York triumphs, they have quickly become an aggressively annoying bunch—quick to proclaim themselves the best fans of sports, transfixed in the euphoria of "the city of champions."
But we already knew that. That story has been written before.
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From this perspective (and it's a darn good one at that), more agitating and certainly infuriating are Red Sox fans who grew up in the Delaware Valley. And I know I'll inevitably offend somebody here, but frankly, I don't care. They should be ashamed of themselves.
If you go down to Citizens Bank Park and you happen to bump into of these imperious, self-important fans, do me a favor—ask them what part of the Cape they are from. Watch them stare blankly at you. Then, think the following in your head:
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"Oh, have you ever been to the Vineyard? No? You're from bleeping Marlton, huh? Got your David Ortiz jersey from Modell's in the Cherry Hill Mall? I see. I see. Fan since when? '04? Didn't like the Phillies because they were cheap in the '90s? Cool."
And as a South Jersey native who grew up seven minutes outside of Philly with a little civic pride, I'm offended by anyone who was born and raised in this area who turns their back on their local squad because they simply like the look of their washed-out, vintage Red Sox cap—you know, because it's cool.
Being a Red Sox fan from this area is the essence of the word "pretentious."
Which brings us briefly to the action on the field.
Experts and fans all across the country have billed this series as a possible World Series preview, and I for one pray that's the case. Because in late October when the Phillies do chase down their second championship in four years, I want to drive all of these bleepin' Red Sox fans all the way back to Marlton, with their faded caps in hand and the Ortiz T-shirt jerseys on their backs. You know, the one's they got from Modell's in the Cherry Hill Mall.
