At approximately 4:47pm, in the vicinity of Haddonfield Middle School at Chestnut and Lincoln, a man was seen hurredly putting out his trash and recycling bins for municipal pickup the following day. As the man turned to go back inside his house, a gust of wind blew a plastic bottle out of his recycling bin and into the street. The man retrieved the bottle, but deposited it into the trash bin rather than returning it to the designated recycling receptacle.
Due to the cloudy conditions and encroaching darkness earlier on in the day, eyewitnesses were unable to compile a description that could be used to identify the man that we can only assume HATES the planet Earth. Many people familiar with the incident believe the man to be a man that recently returned home from work for the day. These reports remain unconfirmed at the time of publication.
