Best if Used By?

As I hesitantly opened the door to the cold mysterious tundra, I braced myself for what lurked inside.

Strawberry jam from the Vermont Country Store sat inconspicuously in the back of the shelf on the door. “

Why we were there just recently! It couldn’t be that old?!”

I picked up the jar and inspected it for a date. “Best if used by 2005” ...Hmm, I guess it was a while back since we took that trip to see the Fall foliage in Vermont!"

I took off the lid and peered inside. “Arggh…yuk!” resounded throughout the kitchen! This was to be the first item of many in my challenge to clean out my refrigerator and pantry.

 This quest all started due to an aversion to expired food products that seems to affect men more so then women. I have come to this conclusion by the constant threat of my son and husband who dared to have my leftovers carbon dated.

“Mom this Dijon mustard expired in May 2009!” griped my son Will. “Don’t be a sissy!” I replied “It has white wine in it which is alcohol that acts as a preservative. Go ahead and use it!”

My husband picked out a piece of Gouda cheese the other day from the refrigerator drawer. “Hey this cheese is from Easter and it has green mold on it!” “Oh big deal, you never heard of blue cheese before?! Just cut the green stuff off. It’s fine to eat, it’s just a little aged.” I informed him.

 After continual complaints I was forced to engage in a, seek and destroy mission, my kitchen being the battleground. I entered the land of Frigidaire with my yellow rubber gloves on and spray cleaner in hand.

“Oh my, what’s in that plastic container…I think its cottage cheese with pineapple in it. Ah no, maybe it’s that turkey chili from last week?!” “Look, barbecue sauce, expiration date 02/11/11, that’s still good to go in my book!”

An hour later I had worked my way over to the spice cupboard to purge what ever had seen fresher days. I came across mustard powder. Oh yes, I remember buying that for the deviled eggs I made for the family reunion picnic.

As I turned the jar around I found a date in small print on the bottom of the label: 1986. Wow 1986?! My son was still in diapers, the Mets won the World Series and Bobby Ewing was really alive on Dallas all along! Should I throw this out? It is like a historical reminder of the eighties? Maybe I’ll keep it.

You can watch for me on the next episode of A&E’s “Spice Hoarders”!