O'er the Mall We Go, Laughing All the Way?

It happens around this time every year. I begin to perspire all over while feeling slightly nauseated and weak in the knees. No, it’s not the flu it's Christmas shopping at the mall!

As much as I dread it I look forward to it in some bizarre way. The mall is so festive with all its glitter and lights and Christmas music playing endlessly. If only I could speed through and get everything on my list in one afternoon! I usually end up in the men’s department in Macy’s in some kind of trance for hours as I am looking for a zip-up sweater for my husband and slippers for Uncle Henry. I seem to wind up buying the same things each year. I then get on the endless line while cursing my lack of imagination and sweating profusely because they just jacked up the heat to 82 degrees.

Why can’t gift giving be like it was back in the days of Currier and Ives? Grandma would knit you some socks and brother would whittle a stick into a comb for your hair. One would be perfectly enthralled with gifts like that! No, now it’s all about the electronics. Who wants the Nook or who has to have an Ipad not to mention that 42 inch flat screen for little Bobby’s bedroom! I know I am just being wishful and nostalgic but I bet folks didn’t have panic attacks in the shopping malls back then while maxing out their credit cards! Please, I am starting to think I would rather go for a colonoscopy while being forced to watch a marathon of “Keeping up with the Kardashian’s” than go holiday shopping.

Parking being the worst hassle, one has to devise a way of getting the optimum spot. I employ the “lie in wait’ approach. I simply wait in the row closest to the entrance and sooner or later someone will return to his or her vehicle. The only drawback is that I have a tendency to fall asleep in the car. By the time I wake up I probably have missed 10 parking spots.

With only days to go until Christmas I better get my act in gear and finish up my shopping list. I still have to get Aunt Flo her Hickory Farms sampler and my cousin’s son, 7 year old Jason, wants a Chia Scooby –Doo. Oh no I am starting to feel weak and my throat is sore. No it’s not from shopping this time. I really feel like I am getting the flu.  Darn it!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!