The Truth About Mirrors

It’s a rite of summer. Just like the tinny sound of "Turkey in the Straw" playing loudly out of the neighborhood ice cream truck or fire flies dancing across the evening sky. Yes, it’s the purchasing of bathing suit! Not a totally horrible experience if you happen to be a supermodel or a 10 year old boy!

I had the unique pleasure recently to shop for one. I owned two bathing suits that started to show wear in places that make it unsuitable for public appearances. So with charge card in hand and as much courage as I could muster, I was off to the mall.

As I walked into the department store there was a feeling of dread that I could not shake. I thought to myself “Stop being silly you’re just going to try a few suits on not for a double root canal.” In hind sight a double root canal would have been easier to take.

I scanned the racks and picked out two tankini’s that looked like they may do the trick. I aged out of the bikini’s years ago though I have seen some frightening looking stuff down on the beaches of south Florida.

I entered the dressing room and picked the booth farthest to the back. I shut the door and made sure it was locked and began to strip down to the essentials. I felt like a salmon swimming upstream as I wiggled into one of the suits.  Wow it felt like a 102 degrees in that dressing room! I finally turned to face the mirror. Argh! What the heck…..who is that woman in the mirror?!

I am sure my little outburst could be heard throughout the entire Ladies Sportswear department. I thought I may have gained a few pounds eating my nightly bowl of ice cream but nothing that a few laps around the block couldn’t shed. I turned to review the derriere situation. OMG, I am glad I don’t have to look at that leaving the pool. Yikes, and the varicose vein that I have in my left leg looked like a Google Earth map of the Mississippi!

Now mind you I have never had much faith in dressing room mirrors. Some wise old lady once told me that they are manufactured by the same company that makes those crazy mirrors for amusement park fun houses. Still, what was reflecting back at me took me by surprise.

I quickly took off the offending suit and got dressed. The sales associate standing outside of the dressing room looked at me sympathetically and asked if she could help me. I rudely stuffed the suits in her hands and told her to bug off!

Maybe it was the wrong style of suit for me and I should go back and try on a one piece. Hmm…do I really want to torture myself like that?! Wait a minute…wasn’t there a Panera Bread around the corner from here? Maybe I should go have lunch and think about it. If I think about it long enough it could be time to look for a Halloween costume and a moot point.

When I arrived home my husband dared to ask “So how did your swim suit shopping go?” All I could manage to mutter was “$%#@ trick mirrors!”

“What are you talking about?” he said. “I don’t plan on going to the beach this summer!” I replied.

With that I went to the freezer and got myself a bowl of ice cream. "I have plenty of time to get in shape for next summer!"