Wedding Inspirations~ Cancelling a Wedding or Civil Union

While this article is not intended to give legal or financial advice, it is intended to give pastoral “Dutch Uncle” advice. Please check your attorney or accountant to insure the legal or financial validity of my pastoral advice.

Most couples experience some doubts, reservations and last minute jitters before the ceremony. Since marriage is a  life changing event, so some questioning is only natural. That’s NOT what this article is about.  If "Change of heart"  is a real possibility though, stop reading here and get pre-marital counseling and don’t spend any money for wedding/civil union deposits. Please.

I am talking about the disastrous wedding/civil union ceremony conditions that make for nightmarish thoughts for every couple; that we all can empathize with.

• What if wedding/civil union party members or the majority of guests cannot reach the wedding/civil union ceremony because of severe weather conditions i.e. snowstorm, earthquake, hurricane?
• What if a member of the bridal/civil union party or immediate family becomes too ill to attend or dies suddenly right before the ceremony date?  Or is 9 months pregnant and cannot travel to the wedding?
• What if the photographer fails to appear or goes out of business or any other vendor for that matter?
• What if the wedding/civil union attire is lost, stolen or damaged.

I remember years ago, a reception venue called me if I could immediately go there to marry a couple because the mayor of the town did not show up. Another time, there was a 19 inch snow storm and I was stopped by the New Jersey State Police on the way to the wedding/civil union because the Governor ordered all cars off the road.

While there are a bazillion disastrous wedding/civil union ceremony stories, there's a lot of money at stake: The average wedding/civil union in the United States cost $27,000 in 2012, not including the honeymoon, and to cancel it and reschedule it is almost out of the question. The New York Metropolitan area’s average is much more.

There are several things that can be done to best avoid loss of thousands and thousands of dollars for cancelling weddings:

1. Plan the date smart. Avoid typical bad weather months. While the price of the January wedding in New Jersey may be tempting, consider out of town bridal party members, close family members that need to travel and vendors who need to travel. Choosing a florist 10 miles away because they were “cheap” may mean they are unable to deliver the flowers in time for the ceremony in a 6-inch snow storm. Grandma may be stuck at the airport and miss her flight. If you are fortunate to have all family and friends close-by, go for that tempting ½ price sale for January or February. Then again, what do you do if every single guest can show up but the venue loses electrical power in a storm?
2. Don’t get drunk the night before or start drinking while preparing to get dressed for the wedding. Four times in my career, a groom was too drunk to get married. The day was ruined by too much booze a couple of hours before the ceremony.
3. Make sure all major wedding/civil union vendors are reputable businesses; get references; check the Better Business Bureau and insist on seeing their liability insurance. Ensure that they too have a back-up if they are sick. Once a minister called me because he was in a car accident on the way to a wedding ceremony. I was his official back up...wise minister.
4. Check every vendor’s cancellation policy. Check if the cancellation policy entitles you to a refund of a portion or all of your deposit if you cancel by a certain date.
5. Get wedding insurance. The few hundred dollars that it costs may save you thousands due to horrendous weather, illness or an out of business vendor that doesn’t show. While it will never give you the wedding/civil union pictures never taken, it may reimburse you the thousands you may have paid the photographer. Always check the insurance provisions because somethings may be excluded. Pay attention to deductibles, maximum coverage limits, exclusions and deadlines.
6. Ask the catering venue for the provision that if you need to cancel the wedding and still must pay in full,  you can have the food. This makes for an excellent charitable donation that then can also be a tax write off. Always check with an accountant to see if this applies in your situation.
7. What is the rescheduling policy? During the recent Hurricane Irene, thousands of weddings needed to be rescheduled.  While the first reaction might be “Well, if there’s a hurricane the day of our wedding, we’ll just reschedule.”  Remember, while the ceremony and reception venues may be very accommodating in allowing a rescheduled date, it may also be very difficult to find another available date, especially with venues that typically book up to a year in advance.  It is possible that you may be offered a date that is inconvenient (like Super Bowl Sunday) or on a Monday through Thursday because that’s all that is available.