Unplug and Reclaim Your Inner Calm

Are you in the fast lane riding distraction into anxiety?

In the past two weeks, I’ve had an epiphany about our electronic culture.

I recently returned from a road trip visiting some friends and family. At breakfast in our hotel, most people had their phone out texting or reading. I didn’t think too much of it until I noticed that at most meals children and adults alike were on some electronic device.

Simply put, there didn’t seem to be much interaction or joy.

During that visit, I noticed how often people checked their phones. It didn’t seem to matter what the venue - whether relaxing dinner or a soccer game. I also observed that this wasn’t intentional rudeness, but rather habitual behavior.

Personally, I became anxious watching this behavior, trying to have a conversation between texts.

Sensitized by my intimate brush with electronics, I was especially attuned to my clients the following week regarding their anxiety. I wondered how much my clients’ anxiety was a result of life events and how much might be influenced by the relentless demands – whether real or imagined - of the social media culture?

My admittedly unscientific survey uncovered multiple causes for concern.

Many of my clients have jobs that warrant timely (if not instant) e-mail the response. The tyranny of 24/7 email!

Other clients, both adult and teens, recreate how they believe their lives should be with social media platforms such Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. Certainly this is convenient but this comes with a price.. Quite bluntly, there’s a lot of pressure to post the greatest hits of our lives only to warrant validation from an online audience.

To me, this is nothing but exhausting and depleting.

What about “couple clients” who instead of enjoying one to one live conversation choose to connect with friends (rather than their significant other) to play Candy Crush or Scrabble. As a result, they then complain about being disconnected.

What began as an exciting new way of connecting has (for many) replaced the incomparable enjoyment and rejuvenating aspect of in person conversations with friends and family.

Gone also is the enjoyment of experiencing in the moment as people busily snap pictures to post on Facebook or Instagram to capture the moment to share with their online public. Then there’s the of narcissism where the smart phone extender for taking selfies has grown so disruptive that many tourist attractions have forbidden their use.

If you want to back off from the screen and lower your anxiety, I have some simple suggestions to start.

1. Develop Awareness

Take a week to become aware of your on line habits. When do you begin checking for messages? What time do you stop?

How many times a day? How much time do you spend on social media? Playing games?

Do you check messages when you are interacting with friens or family?

In one extreme situation, a client got up several times a night to get his messages least he miss a business opportunity.

2. Set Boundaries

Once you become aware of your patterns, make a goal to change just one of them. If you find that you’re checking your phone multiple times a day, put it away for a set period of time each day such as during a meal.

One habit I recommend modifying is staying off the computer 1 hour before bedtime. People enjoy a more restful sleep when they are not exposed to the light of the screen or distracted by a personal of work issue.

3. Declare One Day a Week Computer Free

Unclutter your mind. Do something physical creative and social. Take a walk or go to the gym. Cook a great meal. Enjoy an evening with your family or or lunch with a friend.

4. Take Stock of Changes

Were they difficult? Did you find that you and your partner had difficulty having a good conversation? Did you feel better-less distracted and frantic?

If you answered yes to having difficulty unplugging, you may be having a relationship issue. What are you avoiding talking about?

When you to choose to walk away from the computer screen or set aside your iPhone, you are able to see what is in front of you – all the joys in your life. You are also able to see what you may need to work on which will help you find focus and clarity as you progress and work on your problems. Hiding behind your computer screen will only give you a temporary distraction to a problem that may need your immediate attention.

By learning to unplug, you will be able to restore your inner calm and be able to search for avenues to bring balance into your life again

Mediation and Therapy Associates specializes in helping you create a fulfilling life. We help you identify goals and develop skills to establish rewarding relationships with partners/spouses, your children, extended family and community. For more information, please visit my website at www.mediationandtherapyassociates.com.