The Inflated Balloon: Finding the Exhale

'Tis the season and with all the good things during the holidays, stress and tension tend to run high, too. Patience can go quickly. Whether you’re driving in traffic, standing in a long line at a store, trying to check off lingering work projects or just dealing with family life, it can be a challenge to be tolerant. Recently, a woman told me she yelled at her elderly mother that morning over something trivial. “I try to keep calm, but I just lost it,” she said. “I’m stressed and can’t do it all. I feel terrible." She’s not alone. As humans we are designed to feel. Our emotions are not always going to be positive nor expressed positively. It’s important we recognize our shortcomings. Hurting a loved one or a friend and later saying, “I’m sorry, but it happens” isn’t enough. We can’t always be perfect but we can and should try to be mindful of our words and behaviors in order to have fewer, “Oops, it happened” kinds of moments – especially during the stressful holiday season. 

Mindfulness is a concept that means living in the present moment and being aware of our surroundings in a nonjudgmental way. It is about being aware of our words and how we react to situations. It is about patience, tolerance and self-control. It only takes a split second to overreact to what someone says or does. If stress is building up and we’re not doing anything to release it, eventually, like an over- inflated balloon our emotions will burst through. It is important to take time out for ourselves. This is especially true during the holiday season when more of the, “I need to do...” thoughts escalate stress levels. People’s number one excuse for not taking time out is, “I don’t have any time to take.” The truth is, we have to make time.  Burning the candle at both ends eventually leaves no choice. Here are some tips to think about and practice:

• Pacing: Life isn’t a race to cram everything in all at once. Take each moment step-by-step; each day, day-to-day. Do what you are capable of doing. If it helps, use a planner to schedule the “must-do’s” and prioritize the levels of importance for each task. It’s ok to ask for help too. If you need help, ask for it. There are times when people think, “It’s just easier for me to do the work instead of having to explain what I need done.” Rethink this statement if it means lightening up your load.
• Don’t take things personally or jump to assumptions: intentions aren’t always clear. When something hurtful is said, it can be easy to jump to conclusions and assume the worst. Usually things are more likely misunderstanding than mal-intent. And even if something was meant to be hurtful, remember, people who gossip and are spiteful are unhappy. Don’t join their world or allow them to hook you. Try to turn the other cheek and distance yourself. It’s not being passive or aggressive; it’s being assertive by making a statement and setting appropriate boundaries.
•  Get exercise: Exercising at least three days a week for 20-30 mins. with moderate intensity can do wonders for the body, mind and soul. Don’t underestimate the benefit of burning off some of that stress. Make the time to get some exercise. Treat this as a necessity of high importance. 
• Get enough sleep: Regardless of how old we are, we need between seven and a half hours to nine hours of sleep for optimal health. Take a 30-minute powernap during the day, if you are able to. If you cannot sleep or nap, at least rest the body and turn the “thought channel” off.
• Practice Mindfulness: the more you practice being mindful of your words and actions, the better you will become at handling stress. Pick and choose your battles. Is it really worth fighting to not let that car in that is trying to nudge its way into your lane? Is it really worth yelling at someone for not taking out the trash? Use your energy wisely and you will notice subtle positive changes.

 If you have a specific question about mindfulness, caregiving or other: please write me at aduncan@seniorhelpers.com or call (973) 360-1500.