How to Make Date Night More Romantic: A Couples Therapist’s Tips

Our days are full of deadlines, job responsibilities, traffic, errands, bills, and the endless business of getting things done. Date night gives couples a chance to step outside all that and create something that feels a little more special, a little more intimate, and a little more like us.

All couples need a sprinkle of romance in their lives.

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The point isn't simply to do something together. It's to make memories.

Years from now, you may not remember what you ordered for dinner. But you may remember standing beside your sweetheart, looking up at the moon, and hearing, "I want to remember this."

That is the difference between an activity and a special moment. A special moment stirs something in you. When you share it, it becomes part of the emotional history of your relationship—a memory you can return to and feel all over again.

On your next date night, try creating a few moments worth remembering.

Put a Little Love in Your Pocket

Before you leave for your date, tuck something in your pocket for your beloved.

It could be a favorite photograph, a card, a short poem, or a few lines you write yourself. You might begin with a simple sentence starter: "One of the things about you that moves me…"

Then tell them. Be a little mushy.

Tell them what you find beautiful about them and what you adore. Tell them what it is about who they are that touches your heart. Go beyond what they do or achieve. Tell them how they make you feel just by being themselves.

And don't give it to them right away.

Carry it with you through the evening and wonder when the right moment will come. That little secret in your pocket creates its own sweet anticipation.

Then, when the moment feels right, take it out and read it to them.

There is something deeply romantic about being seen through the eyes of the one who loves you. And there is something just as intimate about letting your loved one see what lives inside you when you think about them.

Make a Place Yours

You don't need a romantic destination. Find a place and decide that it is your place. It might be a bench in a park, a spot overlooking the water, a stretch of the boardwalk, or even a favorite corner table at a local restaurant.

Then return to it.

The first visit may be nothing more than a pleasant evening. But over time, the place begins to collect memories. "Remember when we sat here and…" "Remember that night when…"

Eventually, the place matters because your history is there.

Places, pet names, songs, photographs, and little traditions that belong only to you create a sense of we—a private language and history that belongs to the two of you.

Stop for Something Beautiful and Linger

Most of us are remarkably good at noticing something beautiful and moving right past it.

You admire the sunset. You notice the first stars appearing. Then you keep walking.

Instead, stop. Look at it together, and linger.

You might say, "Look at the moon. I want to remember this evening—the two of us standing here together."

You have just taken a passing moment and given it meaning.

That is something couples can do for each other: slow down long enough to truly experience something together. Years later, the sight of those first stars may bring you back to that evening—not because the sky was extraordinary, but because you were there together, and you noticed it together.

Revisit a Happy Memory

Date night is also a wonderful time to go backward.

Say, "Remember when we…"

Choose a moment you both remember. It might be a ridiculous adventure, an early date, a vacation, something your children did when they were little, or a time the two of you laughed until you could hardly breathe.

Then tell the story again.

The point isn't to exchange facts about the past. It's to revisit what you felt. An old memory can bring an old emotion right back into the room: laughter, tenderness, excitement, affection, even desire.

That is one of the gifts of a shared history. You don't just remember what happened. You remember how it felt to be the two of you.

Keep It Simple and Sweet

Date night doesn't have to be elaborate, expensive, or carefully planned. Some of the most memorable moments cost nothing at all.

What matters is that you step outside the ordinary for a little while and pay attention to one another.

Put a little love in your pocket. Make a place yours. Stop and linger when something beautiful catches your eye. Revisit a memory that still makes you smile.

You aren't just spending an evening together.

You're making memories that belong to the two of you.

Terri DiMatteo, LPC, is a couples therapist at Open Door Therapy, the writer at LoveBonds, and the creator of The Intimacy Bond Clinical Framework™. She specializes in relationship counseling, affair recovery, and healing from narcissistic abuse.