Jewish Cemetery Welcomes Interfaith Family Members In Toms River

TOMS RIVER, NJ — For interfaith families, balancing multiple religions can be a challenge when it comes to some of the most important ceremonies of life.

While many have come up with solutions for honoring differing religions in wedding ceremonies or when children are born, one of the most difficult places to find balance has been in death. Differing customs, differing rules and religious traditions all can get in the way.

Some, however, are trying to make a very difficult time easier on the loved ones left behind.

Earlier this fall, the board of Congregation B’nai Israel of Toms River unanimously approved the designation of an interfaith section in its cemetery known as B’nai Israel Memorial Park.

"In response to changing demographics within the congregation, the idea had been discussed by
the cemetery committee and board for several years," said Dr. Glenn Jacobs of the synagogue’s
cemetery committee.

"There are always questions about burial of non-Jewish spouses in our cemetery, and some older Jewish members have bought plots in non-Jewish cemeteries in order to be buried with their spouses," Jacobs said. "We realized that we couldn’t just talk about this, but had to do something."

Jacobs, a past president and active member of the synagogue, along with Fred Weil, the chairperson of the Memorial Park, brought the issue to Rabbi Ellen S. Wolintz-Fields and the discussions began, according to a news release from Congregation B'nai Israel.

The board and clergy of the 260-member congregation, Wolintz-Fields and Hazzan Steven Walvick understand the changing demographics of our community and the need to adapt with the generational changes of membership within the codes of USCJ and the Rabbinical Assembly, the news release said.

"Many members of our Congregation B'nai Israel family have converted to Judaism, often called Jews by Choice, and therefore, have relatives who are not of the Jewish faith," Wolintz-Fields said. "Some members have a Jewish mother, and a non-Jewish father, or the children have converted and have a Jewish father and a non-Jewish mother. Many of our CBI member children and grandchildren are dating or married to someone of another faith. We need to make them feel welcomed in our congregation, both in life and in death."

About one-third of the congregation consists of intermarried families, Wolintz-Fields said.

“I envision B’nai Israel as the voice and face of Conservative Judaism in the Toms River community, so I knew we must meet the needs of not only our congregation, but the greater Conservative Jewish community,” said Philip Brilliant, presdent of B’nai Israel, which was founded in 1950 and is an Egalitarian Congregation and member of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism. “We have enough property and willingness to commit part of our land to the creation of an interfaith section. On a more practical level, we hope it will make the synagogue more attractive for young people to join and those seniors relocating to the Jersey Shore.”

"We think it is important to reach out to the ever-increasing number of Jews and non-Jews who
are marrying and raising families," Brilliant said said. "In the past, such a marriage meant that many
left religion behind, or relegated it to an occasional family holiday meal as they lived their American
lives, rarely if ever attending church, temple, or synagogue prayer services. Today, however, we
have Jews and non-Jews in committed, loving relationships, some of whom are still very loyal to
the religious traditions that they inherited from their parents, grandparents and ancestors many
generations back. Some are strongly connected to the Jewish community and participate in
synagogue life, even though the non-Jewish spouse chooses not to convert."

Interment in the new section is open to all interfaith couples and families, whether members of
B’nai Israel or not, and requires tahara, ritual cleansing of the body, by the synagogue’s chevra
kadisha — the dedicated group of volunteers who cleanse and prepare the body for burial —
regardless of the deceased’s religion. Only Jewish religious symbols will be allowed in the section,
which will be landscaped, and maintained identically to the rest of the cemetery.

B’nai Israel is not alone in its decision. The request for interfaith interment by Conservative
congregants throughout the country inspired the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism to
address the issue. "Burial of a Non-Jewish Spouse and Children" was approved by the Committee
on Jewish Law and Standards of the movement’s Rabbinical Assembly in February 2010.

"Just as our families have supported our decision in life to live a Jewish life, and sat side-by-side with us at the dining room table for our Jewish festivals, and beside us in the synagogue pews, I am grateful that the Cemetery Committee of Congregation B'nai Israel Memorial Park, through my guidance as the Mara D'atra, the rabbi and the guide for religious practice here, we are now able to bury members of our community who are not of the Jewish faith, alongside their Jewish relatives, while still holding to the rules of CBI Memorial Park," Wolintz-Fields said.

The decision to create an interfaith area in the existing cemetery was unanimous, Brilliant said.

"To be honest, I was choked up when the vote was unanimous and so proud that our Board understands who we are as a Congregation and Movement," he said.

Funerals will be no different in the new section as in the balance of the cemetery. "Hazzan Walvick or I will be the only person officiating at graveside," Wolintz-Fields said. "No symbolisms of other faiths will be permitted on monuments, including headstones or foot stones."

A new B’nai Israel Memorial Park informational brochure is being produced and will be made available upon request, Brilliant said.

For more information on B’nai Israel Memorial Park or to become a member of Congregation B’nai Israel,
contact the synagogue office at 732-349-1244, email memorialpark@cbitr.org, or visit the congregation's website.

Congregation B'nai Israel Cemetery, image via Google Maps