Supermom's List of Dirty Little Secrets

In a different life, I would be more detail-oriented and less cluttered, even while pregnant and with a two-and-a-half foot tornado named Danny. My home would be immaculate without a dust bunny in sight, because that's what all the other moms have, right? No clutter, no spaghetti sauce dried on the walls from four days ago, an empty, freshly polished kitchen sink – all while the kids are patiently waiting at the kitchen table for instruction, their busy little hands crossed obediently in front of them.

Supermoms, women who gracefully outperform 99 percent of all the other moms in a dress and heels, are the subject of my envy. I would consult this other woman species for advice, but unfortunately I only speak a few words of supermom-ese. I’m always looking for someone willing to translate.

The truth is, the majority of fellow moms speak the same language I do, so I figured it would be much more valuable to uncover the dirty little secrets behind the supermom illusion. So the next time your mother-in-law drops in with a little less than a half-hour notice and your house looks like a toddler tornado ripped through it at the speed of sound, you’ll be able to employ these tips so that you too, can look like the superior species.

You have 30 minutes before company arrives judging every dusty crevice – and GO!

1. Find yourself a cute little dress with matching heels. Something conservative that states, "I am supermom." Preheat your oven to 325 degrees and make yourself a cup of coffee for some extra spunk. You’ll be entertaining your mother-in-law in thirty minutes. Trust, me, you’ll need it.

2. Put your little ones to work. So what if he's only 16 months! If he's old enough to walk, he's old enough to clean. Sweep child, sweep! Faster! And when he's done, the trash needs taking out.

3. Don't bother washing the mountain of dishes that has grown to consume most of the kitchen counter. Instead, quickly pile everything in your dishwasher, the microwave, in the space underneath your sink, or as a last resort, in your oven. Just don't forget that Sunday's dirty dinner plates are still in there before you start your supermom baking marathon.

Continue reading Supermom's List of Dirty Little Secrets on the Mad Mom Diaries blog.