What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before Baby

Once you become a parent, you quickly discover that parenting advice is everywhere. From the shelves at the local book store to the grocery store checkout line, it's in your face: don't sleep with your baby, you could squash her; don't give baby a bottle at bed time; give plenty of juice; don't give any juice; don't pick him up when he cries, you'll spoil him; vaccinate; don't vaccinate...

Before the pee even had a chance to dry on the pregnancy test, we found ourselves drowning in both unwanted and much needed parental advice. There are some things, for reasons unknown to me, that are kept top secret to expecting parents - classified information that blissfully ignorant moms and dads-to-be have every right to be warned about. Here's my list of parenting tips that I believe every parent-to-be has an inherent right to know about raising an older baby/toddler.

1. Your house will never be clean for increments longer than 30 seconds. No matter how fast you clean, your two-foot tornado can rip leftovers out of the trashcan and throw 150 legos in the toilet that much faster.

2. Speaking of trashcan, trashcan snacks are the perfect toddler snack. Easy to access and just like a fine wine, trashcan snacks only get better with age.

3. A sippy cup is a dangerous weapon.

4. A forehead can also be a very dangerous weapon.

5. You will get poop on your hands on a semi-regular basis. And on your pants, your shirt, and maybe even on your face. So if you don't like to get down and dirty, being a mom or dad may not be the right job for you.

6. You will have to read the same book. Over. And over. And over. And over. So make sure you choose books that you actually enjoy reading 15-20 times a day.

7. Make at least three spare sets of keys. And if you find yourself involved in a last-minute game of hide and seek with a pair of keys, look everywhere you wouldn't put them: a cereal box, the bathtub, dog toys, trash can...

8. No matter what gourmet feast you've been slaving over in the kitchen for the past eight hours, it will never be better than a peanut butter and jelly sammich.

9. An empty box is so much more fun than even the most expensive toys.

10. Before you eat that delicious chocolate chip cookie your toddler is waving in front of your face, know that just a moment before, that adorable little hand was digging for gold inside his diaper.

11. Your toddler will plan and scheme to poop exactly when you do, so while you're helpless on the commode, she has the perfect opportunity to use her overflowing diaper as a butt coaster to slide across the bathroom floor...

Continue reading What I wish someone had told me before baby on the Mad Mom Diaries blog.