How Common Are Cases Like Gabby Petito's? 3 North Jersey Murders Tell Dark Story

NORTH JERSEY — The recent killing of Gabrielle Petito of Long Island spurred difficult conversations about the intimate partner murders that haven't received the same level of attention — but just how often are individuals killed by their current or former partners?

A look at coverage in local media across the country on any given day turns up numbers that are higher than typical law enforcement statistics, which often are years old and based on incomplete knowledge of the relationship between perpetrator and victim.

With more local news sources online in the last 15 years, there's an easier way to see, anecdotally, just how often these killings occur in small towns across America — often receiving little coverage after an initial report.

As opposed to the refrain from law enforcement after each case that there's "No danger to the public," awareness of the scope of the problem may spur more conversations about domestic violence, its warning signs, and how protections (which vary widely by state) could be strengthened.

A look at three domestic violence killings of women in Union County, N.J. this year — one widely reported and two only reported locally — shows that on the same day as those three murders, several women lost their lives in similar incidents in other parts of the country. But often, key details were not released by law enforcement beyond an initial statement, and thus, the coverage (and conversation) waned quickly.

Domestic violence groups say the situation isn't hopeless, if only officials and the public will discuss it. They, as well as the CDC, recommend teaching young people about domestic violence at an early age. In addition, in July, New Jersey tightened a domestic violence law in response to one of the Union County killings.

Three Deaths Per Day, Or More?

Back in 2018, Rep. Jackie Speier of California tweeted that three American women are killed each day by a romantic partner. However, a fact-checking organization set out to see if the oft-cited statistic was realistic or exaggerated.

Politifact called the number a "sad statistic" but eventually determined that Speier's number was accurate, and may be vastly undercounted.

Using 2015 FBI homicide data, the organization said the average worked out to 2.54 female victims of intimate partner murders per day, but "We found a note of caution in a 2013 Bureau of Justice Statistics report on female homicides by intimate partners. It warned that the relationship between the killer and homicide victim was unknown for anywhere from a quarter to a third of the homicides in any given year."

Three Days In Union County, And In America

A look at three domestic violence killings of women in Union County — one that was widely reported, two that were not — shows that on the same day as those tragedies, several women lost their lives in similar incidents in other parts of the country.

Case 1: Yasemin Uyar Of Rahway

On July 9, 2021, relatives of Yasemin Uyar of Rahway became concerned after hearing that she didn't show up for work, and her 2-year-old son didn't show up for day care. Uyar had taken out a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend and moved to Rahway to put distance between herself and him, according to reports. READ MORE: NJ Dad Killed Ex, Kidnapped 2-Year-Old Son: Indictment

An Amber Alert was blasted to phones throughout New Jersey because of the toddler — thus, unlike in some cases, there was widespread attention on the tragedy.

Uyar was found dead, although her son was unharmed physically. A grand jury indicted ex-boyfriend Tyler Rios, 27, of East Orange on charges of first-degree murder, kidnapping, and violating a restraining order.

"She was just a brave young mom trying to live her life," said her mother.

With awareness high in the case, officials took steps to prevent more such deaths. Gov. Phil Murphy signed legislation in July making assault by strangulation a second-degree crime, regardless of whether it results in death (studies show that strangulation is a sign of even more serious domestic violence to come). READ MORE: Srangulation Now A Second-Degree Crime In New Jersey

Four Other Killings In America That Day

A check of media across the country reveals that at least four other women were killed in reported domestic violence incidents or possible domestic violence incidents on July 9, the day Uyar was discovered missing.

And those were just the cases in which enough detail was given to determine a relationship.

They are:

• In a case that received much attention within its own state, Lissette Reinbold, 34, of Oklee, Minn., a working mom, was found stabbed to death in her home July 9. Two months later, husband Eric Reinbold was captured, charged with murder, and held on $10 million bail.
• In a case that was initially reported with vague information, a woman was shot to death in Baltimore on that same day. Her ex-boyfriend, a lawyer, was later charged. The man's own sister reportedly shared details in this social media post.
• The same day, in Mobile, Alabama, 24-year-old Jasmine Pettway was killed in her apartment building by a 23-year-old man "after a domestic dispute."
• In Indianapolis, a woman was shot and set on fire. She later died. Police told the local media that they believed the perpetrator was someone she knew.
• In a case in which the woman survived gunshots, in Elk Grove, Calif., a man shot her and then turned the gun on herself. She was hospitalized. The public was informed via Tweets. "There is no threat to the community," police Tweeted.

Not counting the last two cases, that makes at least four intimate partner murders of women on a random Friday. These women came from all backgrounds, but agencies say women from marginalized groups are at higher risk for domestic violence murders than others.

A Different Kind Of Case: Two Mothers Killed In Hillside, N.J. April 5

A different kind of case in Union County, during the first week in April, resulted in three deaths — but after an initial (and sometimes vague) press release from prosecutors, there was only one followup story in the media with more information.

After a man was found dead in his car of a gunshot wound on Monday, April 5, the mother of his children was found dead the next day in the restaurant the pair owned together, as was the woman's sister. The Union County Prosecutor's Office released a statement on Wednesday, April 7, saying the deaths were "linked" and that no foul play was involved in the death of the man. Some media outlets characterized the case as a "double murder-suicide."

Days later, a GoFundMe ("Help Raise Money for Karen & Wanita Funeral") revealed more information.

The two women who were murdered had 15 children between them. The man in the car was the life partner of one of the women.

"They were our Mothers," said the GoFundMe. "Wanita and Karen ... were brutally murder and beaten/suffocated leaving behind Karen 4 kids 3 of being under age and Wanita 11 kids and 8 of them being under age with no mother."

"At this time, there is no known further threat to the community," the prosecutor's office said after the bodies were found.

"This was a senseless and tragic loss of the lives of two hard-working mothers," wrote a commenter on the GoFundMe. "Domestic violence enforced by the use of a gun is the tool of a bully and the actions of a coward."

A quick check of the internet shows other disturbing domestic violence cases on the Monday on which the first death was discovered, including:

• A man arrived at his 9-year-old daughter's birthday party in Brooklyn and shot the mother of his daughter dead, as well the woman's two older daughters. The 9-year-old hid in the closet with a stuffed unicorn. When police found her, she was crying and mentioning that he hadn't brought presents.
• Also on Monday, a man shot a woman and a another man at a restaurant in Monterey Park, Calif. "The shooter may have had a relationship with the woman," investigators said.

Incidentally, the next morning, a man reportedly shot his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend to death in Pennsylvania two days after he was released from police custody on a charge of violating a protection order. That case, as with the Uyar case, show that even with a protective order, women sometimes aren't protected.

New Year's Eve Especially Troubling

In one more Union County case, some details are murky. Hours before the start of 2021, police arrived at a Linden apartment to find Kim Lewandowski, 62, brutally murdered. She had been living there with a male friend she knew from high school.

According to the complaint, obtained by Patch via an Open Public Records Act request, Edward Sokowski, 62, told police that he had fallen asleep and awakened to find the woman dead. He said she was a friend who'd fallen on hard times, so he let her live with him, but they were not dating at the time.

However, the report also says he characterized her as both a friend and "intimate partner." A spokesperson for the Prosecutor's Office would not give more details, and a portion of a sentence about their relationship was redacted.

The 24-hour period from 5 p.m. on New Year's Eve to the same time on New Year's Day has historically been a deadly time for domestic violence, both last year and in previous years.

A check of news reports shows at least four intimate partner murders in America on New Year's Eve 2020, and more on New Year's Day 2021. They include:

• Texas Man Kills Wife, Mother-In-Law On New Year's Eve
• Charges Against Boyfriend In New Year's Eve Double Murder
• Colorado Man With Domestic Violence History Suspected Of Killing Wife On New Year's Eve
• Police Believe Anaheim Man Killed Woman, Self On New Year's Eve
• Man Allegedly Confesses To Killing Girlfriend In Truck On New Year's Day

Statistics have shown that while cases of women being killed by male partners vastly outnumber the reverse, approximately 5 percent of male murder victims were killed by an intimate partner. For women, the number is 40 percent.

Changes To Be Made

Levels of protection from domestic violence vary widely from state to state. As happened with the case of Yasemin Uyar, refining the laws may help.

Domestic violence groups say students should be educated early about healthy relationship behaviors and signs of abuse, and some have run anti-abuse programs among youth sports teams and for the military. Some agencies have come up with creative solutions.

In the end, news reports aren't the only ways to raise awareness: besides the social media attention surrounding the "van life" case of Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie (the latter of whom was determined on Nov. 23 to have died of a gunshot wound), conversations have been spurred by popular culture, such as the recent Netflix series "Maid," in which a young mother struggles with both poverty and domestic violence. It's based on a young mother's memoir.

Dr. Julye Myner, the executive director of Center for Hope and Safety in New Jersey, said that people are still not aware of the extent of domestic violence. "There is a widespread misunderstanding of how domestic abuse works as well as the prevalence of it in our community," she told Patch.

She said that as an example, "In Bergen County, there are approximately 3,000 reports of DV per year. However, over the past 10 years, Center for Hope and Safety has responded to an average of close to 5,000 calls per year to our crisis hotline, with over 6,000 calls in 2020."

She added, "Many are silently suffering in abusive homes because they are scared to leave or don’t know where to turn for help."

The national Domestic Violence hotline can be reached at this website via chat, as well as by text, email, or phone, 1-800-799-SAFE. In an emergency, call 911. In New Jersey, a list of hotlines and organizations to help can be found here.

What do you think? Comment below. Got news? Email caren.lissner@patch.com.

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