Nothing but the Facts (Intimacy - Level #2)

All is not lost. In Matthew Kelly's book, The Seven Levels of Intimacy, interpersonal facts are important to intialize conversation, but in order to create that necessary bridge from the second to the third level of intimacy, you must be able to shift from lower level interpersonal facts to higher level intrerpersonal facts — those that are stimulating and lead to an increased level of learning — and finally to personal facts — those rare facts that you alone possess that help the other person become the best version of themselves.

What is the recipe for this type of intimate behavior with our spouse? Our speech. We have the opportunity to focus on being more positive than negative that will make our conversations more enriching. And we can do that any number of ways.

1. Acknowledge your partner for doing something good, or right.
2. Don't be so quick to judge one another. Judgment can cloud our inner and outer exchanges with our partners and ultimately kill the relationship. Practice the art of nonjudgement.
3. Work on correcting rather than criticizing. This can be very difficult depending on how your spouse views your words and tone of voice. You would want to acknowledge the effort of your partner before you correct.
4. Reduce gossip.
5. Find moments to voice your appreciation. This will go a long way to making your partner feel loved and valued.
6. Look at how you filter your speech. If you say "whatever is on your mind" all the time, then what other way are you undisciplined.

I started this blog by acknowleging the fact that you may be tired due to your depleted energy, but did you ever think that the partner you are coming home to is lonely and bored. Lonely and bored by the mundane facts that you talk about every day.

Today, do something different. When you have some quiet time, take your spouse by the hand and tell them as many personal facts that you can in a couple of minutes. It will break the monotony and lead to the next level of intimacy you are longing for.

Keith Dent has more than a decade of experience counseling and coaching individuals, couples, teens and their parents to help them improve their relationships and their ability to achieve their personal goals. He can be reached by e-mail @strive2succeed@comcast.net.