What Coach Keith would say to Maria and Arnold, and You — How Secrecy can Kill your Marriage.

Today Maria's worst fears were realized. Arnold's womanizing ways extended far beyond a few groping moments. He actually had an inappropriate encounter with a woman who cared for his home which resulted in him fathering a child.

The famous phrase he uttered from the Terminator, "Your clothes, give them to me," has taken on a whole new meaning.

As the former governor of California and a movie star, he was prone to keep things private in order to skirt scandal and humiliation with the public, and not have every thought end up on the front page of the LA Times. What is different with the latest scandal is that he deliberately withheld information from his wife in order to protect himself.

Secrets are information that we deliberately withhold in order to allow others to believe something that isn't true. Maria believed his behavior only extended as far as a little groping on movie sets and an overseas TV show. While we may think that we are keeping secrets in order to benefit others — i.e. our wife, our children, the State of California — our motivation is to protect our own I'll be Backsides.

Over the years, as Arnold Schwarzenegger concealed the truth, it slowly burned away anything they had left of their relationship. It was clear in his actions and in their marriage as I talked about in a previous post.

So what would I say to Arnold this time:

1. Remove yourself from the public eye and establish what is really important in your life. You have lost your way. Between your love for power and staying in the limelight, both have gone to your head.
2. Apologize to your children face-to-face. They will be bombarded with many emotions, questions and pain. Don't leave it up to Maria to do it. In fact, she doesn't even need to be present to help you talk your way through it.
3. Apologize to the woman who fell under your spell. I am not sure how much contact you had with her, or how much hush money you gave her. It's clear that she couldn't live an authentic life.

What I would say to Maria:

1. Nothing really changes from my post from last week. You will still need to move forward and determine what will be the next chapter in your journey.
2. If there is ever a ripple that something isn't right, it's probably a wave. Have the courage to explore it, no matter what might be the end result. At least you can say that you followed your intuition.