Appreciating Each Day

Summer is about carefree pursuits and vacations on the beach. It’s sipping frozen drinks with the cute umbrellas.  My summer started that way but was soon eclipsed by sadness. As the sun shined brightly, I needed to talk about dying with my children. My sister lost her battle with brain cancer.   

She was diagnosed in the fall and started treatment immediately. I was honest with the oldest three. I spoke plainly about the facts of her disease and told them her chances. The tears started to flow as we began to navigate this challenge. 

I was not so truthful with my youngest. She is 10 and the closest to my sister. I did not want to dampen her childhood with the weight and sadness of adult suffering. I decided for as long as possible I would let her live in bliss. Her conversations with my sister would be about the animals on the farm, horseback riding lessons and Animal Planet shows. 

When she looked at my sister her eyes reflected happiness, hope and innocence. My eyes reflected a broken heart, fear and sorrow. If I could give my sister one gift, it was to give her one person who looked at her and saw only her and not the disease afflicting her.

We did our best to visit often and create memories. I looked over my shoulder to see if my daughter was in the room before I started a phone conversation. My other children were in on the secret and so were my friends. We wanted to protect my daughter from the sadness that loomed ahead.

One day she overheard me say the C word.

“Mom, does Aunt Elaine have cancer?” she asked. The gig was up. The time had come that I could no longer protect her from the reality of the situation.

“Yes she does. She is trying her best to treat it with medicine, but unfortunately there is no guarantee,” I answered. There I said it. The truth was revealed.

 As a mother, I could no longer protect my child from this sorrow. I couldn’t make her pain go away with a trip to the toy store. I was the one who delivered the news to break my child’s heart.

How can you explain to your child why things happen when you yourself can’t make sense of the circumstances? As parents we try to insulate our children from the “cruel world” but sometimes in adversity there is a lesson to learn.

They witnessed firsthand that you can wake up one morning and have your world turn upside down. Life is precious and should be handled with care.   

They learned to take the time to tell the people in their lives that they love them. You may not get a second chance.

Now they understand the importance of a support network whether it was receiving a call to know someone cared or being offered a shoulder to lean on and shed a tear. Friends and family will rally to your aid and embrace you with the things you need to get through the stormy days.

Finally, they learned why I like the song lyrics: “if you get the chance to sit it out or dance/ I hope you dance.”

When my sister left this world the wind was blowing. It was a comforting breeze on a hot summer day. A breeze that felt like this could only occur from the flapping of angels’ wings as they came to take her to a place without pain and suffering. 

This is what I told to my daughter.

I had promised her I would always tell her the truth.