A Happy Marriage Is Not a Mirage

Ben Franklin is attributed to saying many great phrases.

So it would go to show you that he probably said "marriage is an age old institution and it goes without saying  that many of the people who enter into marriage should be institutionalized."

My son asked me the other day what was the secret to my almost thirty year long marriage to his mother. And I said “has it really been that long?” (which will probably get me into trouble at some later date) But the truth of the matter that I told him is don’t take things too serious and don’t sweat the everyday stuff.

In an age where divorce is rampant and easier than self-check out at the supermarket, most couples are not willing to compromise or realize that their “soulmate” is almost as flawed as they are themselves. Marriage takes work, but the everyday stuff should eventually become routine and not grounds for arguing. And that in my marriage one super key component to longevity is humor. I have found that it is hard to be mad or upset if people are busy laughing their tushies off.

The point here is to try to be happilly spontainous and jovial each and every day. And when life throws you a sinkerball where you can't smile because it hits you square in the shin and then that is a rare occassion and not the norm. And observing others can lead to the fun in your everyday relationship too.

For example, I explained to him, his mom (aka my wife) and I recently went shopping at Kohl’s. And we observed another couple outside the try-on room. And the woman was saying “Why are you so ashamed to hold my purse? I’m not ashamed to hold your wallet!” which we thought was priceless. You see when my wife tries to read me The Riot Act in public, I just tell her to buy me the book on CD instead and we laugh.

Another example I gave him was the one where my wife’s friend being concerned about her spouse's health signed them both up for a gym memberships. (I think this is because she was probably hoping that using the treadmill would help “jog” his memory). But she refuses to go when he goes. My wife says it because of his health issues that she lets him do his own thing.

And I know that the Lipitor he and I take has side effects and I guess that passing gas can be embarrassing when participating in an activity... like being on a Stairmaster. But their problem as a couple as I see it is that he hates the fact that she can alternate at lightspeed between being narrowed minded and thick headed and she hates the fact that he’d forget his head if it wasn’t attached. And that EVERYTHING between them is hugely serious. Every single conversation and thought. And I have learned that for a marriage to have longevity, it must have levity.

I told him about an elderly couple that walk into a drug store and the woman hands the pharmacist a note. The middle aged pharmacist looks at the note and says to the couple, “I’m sorry, but this is not a prescription” and the wife answers, “I know THAT! What I don’t know is what my penmanshipped challenged, retired physician husband wrote...as a grocery shopping list.”

But my wife has a great sense of humor too. While planning another shopping excursion, which can get the hairs on the back of my neck standing at attention with trepidation, she coolly informed me that  the store we were planning on going to might be extremely crowded.

She elaborated that she thought that performers Ray Manzarek and Robby Kreiger were going to be performing at Wal-Mart on Saturday morning (and I looked at her quizically) all because she saw a huge sign there that said, “Doors open Saturday at 8A.M.” (but you may have to have been born during the time of vinyl 33 1/3 records to get that joke or just Google search the names.)