Handling Tough Discussions with Children

As an early childhood public school teacher, I am required to follow state standards and guidelines.

I am not required to teach subjects relating to sex and religion. That does not mean the children do not ask me questions on these subjects. These questions present a challenge; rather than brush off these questions, I like to address them gently. 

If adults refuse to answer questions that children ask, or tell them they are too young to ask these questions, it will only increase their curiosity, and the children might perceive these as “taboo” subjects.

I try to find a way to answer their questions without seeming uncomfortable. It’s so important for children to feel encouraged or brave enough to ask questions of trusted adults.

It’s a relief that I don’t have to be responsible for sex education. For my first, second and third graders, that includes teaching them about good hygiene and cleanliness habits. If they want to know more, I tell them that this is not a discussion for school; this is discussion for you to have with your parents. 

Of course, if a child appears to be very knowledgeable about sex in ways that are not within the usual elementary child’s experience, that is a red light to teachers that either there may be sexual abuse or too much sexual activity being shown or modeled to my young ones.  It becomes necessary to schedule a conference and find out what is going on at home. 

Many adults are unaware that the movies or television shows they watch at home are inappropriate for their young children. At times I find myself in the position of reminding my student’s parents that “PG 13” means the child should only watch this movie or show in the company of their parent and at an age of 13 or above.

From time to time, I have to engage in more uncomfortable conversations like reminding the parents of my students that bringing their dates home for the night is not a great idea when children are 6, 7, 8 and 9. It is difficult to gauge when this kind of relationship is good thing to expose young children to. Many situations are highly dependent on the degree to which the adults are engaging in sexual
relationships when the children are home or able to accidentally interrupt or
listen to. As an advocate for my students, their emotional and physical safety is my first concern. 

I embrace the opportunity to discuss religious and cultural differences. In the education field, we call this a “teachable moment.” Since New York City remains a melting pot of cultures and traditions, the subject of religion comes up, particularly during the winter holiday season. My Christian students are surprised to learn that everyone does not believe in Jesus as the Savior, and not all religions refer to their supreme being as “God.”  

My Muslim students insist that “Allah” is the way to go. Many are shocked to learn that some people do not believe in God at all. Whenever someone becomes adamant about their religious beliefs, I gently remind the children that everyone believes in different things and you should believe in the religion you were raised (I say this because these children are all under the age of 12).

People from all faiths, whether they believe in God or not, want the same things in life.  Everyone wants a happy home with food on the table. Everyone wants their children to be safe and educated. Most importantly everyone wants to help make the world a better place. No one’s belief is more truthful than another. These discussions help me stress the importance of embracing differences and learning
about other cultures. I enjoy the chance to emphasize ideas that will encourage my students to broaden their critical thinking ability and their views of the world.

Best wishes to all for a happy holiday season!