The Misappropriation of a Title

My son was recently recounting a tale at a family friend's barbecue where there were more kegs than cups that his Yoda-like college professor was telling them about some social stereotypes from high school for a class that he needs to become a Physical Education teacher called “Essentials of Adolescent Development” (compared to classes like “Group Games”, ”Tumbling Technology,” ”Lifetime Activities,” etc.

This seemed almost worth us paying  a virtual 50 inch Plasma T.V. per credit for . They went over adolescent social groups called -“greasers,” “gangbangers,” “jocks,” “soshes,” (her word, not his) “emos,” ”preppies,” ”punks,”  “gleeks” and “nerds” etc.

Suddenly a college Spirit Group Leader in his class raised her hand. She asked, “What would a high school cheerleader be stereotyped as, since they’re at the top of both the athletic and social ladders?” This further proved my point that there may not be any stupid questions, but you cannot deny the fact that there are inquisitive idiots.

The Confucius like educator explained the often socially confused truth about cheerleaders to the class. That they may be athletic and/or social, but they are nowhere near the middle, let alone the top of the social food chain just because of their hobby.

Not to say, that most are squeezing the last drops out of a really old fantasy, passed on from over pampered mother to daughter, of a nearly anorexic girl with competition issues, trying to hook up with the high school quarterback (who is socially looked up to by his teammates because he can semi-accurately throw a football a bunch of yards in hopes of a smack on the butt from a hefty lineman and a possibility of a scholarship to a school in a place where snow is sparse).

There are some things that are easy to prove wrong, and there are some things that prove themselves wrong easily. Allow me to illustrate my point by providing the perceived value of athletic and social ladders. As I have explained in my first blog here at the Patch, “Cheerleading is not a Sport!” (And you can write my editor your hate mail all you want, it will not change the facts .You can’t make a tree out of bird seed!) 

I have heard every unintelligent and dim-witted argument in the book. One bleached blonde nitwit with a cart full of bottled seltzers screamed at me in the supermarket after my first posting and boasting, “There are all-star teams in cheerleading, how can it not be a sport, Mr. know-it-all Sport Snob?”       

The answer is simple! There can be all-star beer pong teams, sweetheart and just because you call yourself an all-star (which is just another way of them trying to tell themselves that they are above the rest and they have a unique skill others may not possess) that does not make it a sport.

My son can burp the alphabet, that is not a sport. there are all stars of poker and all stars of the TV show "Survivor" too. The HS driver’s education class has all-stars. (No offense against driver’s ed. students, as  they can still outwit, outplay and outlast most cheerleaders in many areas). 

So what do cheerleaders do? They LEAD CHEERS! It’s in their name. Trying to encourage people to yell, jump, clap, wave in unison for a sports team they may or may not care about when they’re really trying to hang out with their friends and oogle the opposite sex and bond (also you may want to research my old blog and see my true definition of “a sport”).

And I am not being mean and do not discount the affection towards participants in this strenuous and dangerous activity. My son loves the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders as a group, but he also likes the Victoria Secret Models and Hooter’s Girls.

And the fact is, bringing us a tray of Screamin’ Demon Wings and singing aloud and clapping to the tune of Happy Birthday is NOT a sport!

I was waiting recently for a dermatologist’s at his office, I had the misfortune to stumble upon a “Cheerleader America” magazine which is ridiculous for many reasons. The first reason is that the word America is unnecessary. There are no organized professional cheerleaders outside of the United States, not in Spain at a soccer game, or England at a Rugby game, or Hungary at a Water Polo game, or Italy at a Bocci match!

This is because everyone who does not drive a mini-van with US plates knows it’s pointless. Secondly, cheerleaders i hear, will get upset for copying cheers from a magazine that are not original, so this glue bound collection of advertisements and pats on the back, is more about a cute new outfit that they show there.

This one whole magazine was dedicated to how cheerleaders had such pressure on them to represent their school, and how difficult it was to be a role model to so many people. Bolderdash, that is the job of the high school Salutatorian and kids like Naman Shakrani (who is an EM student and a LI Spelling Bee champ...which, while not a sport, is indeed a great accomplishment worthy of a group cheer.)

As I have said before, if you leap, holler, cartwheel, clasp, roll and stomp, it does not mean you are participating in a sanctioned sport , it may be because your pants on fire. And no offense should be taken, these are just the facts.