When Life Resembles Time on the Cyclone at Coney Island

It is my belief that the older I get the more stressful life grows.

While technology seems to have grown by leaps and bounds, the modern flush toilet still remains the same as when I was a child. It may be the fact that as I get older the amount of responsibility that I feel the need to undertake expands like heated helium.

It goes without saying that life after 30 is a roller coaster. Some days are up and you can clearly see the beautiful sun, sky and heavens. Some days are down and dark and you can’t get your stomach out of your throat. Other days suddenly fling you sideways, are very rough and slam you to and fro and make you wonder why you put yourself through this. Hopefully when it slows down, you realize that the fun you had outweighed the stress you experienced.

To really avoid stress you may need to use a virtual tricorder, a copy of a 1999 AAA triptik and a savvy blogger's advice to identify the toxic relationships, monetary stressors and social redundancies that can accumulate and cause extreme aggravation, just after middle age. The following are examples of things that will help pinpoint them and avoid the common pitfalls (just think of this as a seismic volcanic stress relieving application).

• Anything that cures heartburn, throat burn, sunburn, razor burn and freezer burn has more medical drawbacks to it than actually being beneficial.
• There is a very fine line between hobby and psychosis.
• Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and wiggle like someone has attached a defibrillator to your chest and screamed “Clear!” and you’ll be fine.
• The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
• Voting polls will figure political backlash, front lash, whiplash and tongue lash percentages and are generally wrong. It’s the biggest jerk that normally wins.
• Geico commercials are a prime example of a cute reptile dysfunction.
• The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside, we all believe that other drivers are incompetent morons compared to us.
• You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
• You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that exact moment.
• If you ask a person with a GED what the capital of Wyoming is, “The letter W" will be the most popular response.
• If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "prejudice." (Running a close second, would be the word “blondes”)
• A humorous wedding toast will generate as much sound as the sound of one hand clapping.
• Politicians will tell you, about great accomplishments like creating hundreds of new jobs. Reality will tell you, that they are part time jobs at Hallmark, making greeting cards, to send to people that have just lost their jobs.
•  Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Life can be like an amusement ride, with increasing speed, sudden drops and scary stops. Many times you just want to raise your hands up in the air and scream, generally before you throw-up all over your partner. So I find that it is best if you just step on up, purchase a POP ticket and enjoy life.

Remember that there are some adults who cannot grasp the difference between a runaway roller coaster and a video game, and thus believe that the worst thing that will happen if you crash and burn in life, is that they'll see a sign overhead saying, GAME OVER, PLAY AGAIN? Which is never the case in real life. The best advice is to keep your hands attached to your wrists, and enjoy the ride and avoid the alternative.