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Single on Long Island? Read These New Rules for Dating
Some basic rules to follow when dating on Long Island and advice on finding an emotionally healthy relationship.
Use these rules as guidelines when entering into new relationships, particularly relationships started online:
• Make sure your date is emotionally available and can express personal feelings.
• Use the rule of threes for online dating: Three emails before the first call, three calls before the first date, three dates before making any commitments, three months before determining if you are in love.
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• Relationships have a direction. If you don’t know where its going, it’s not going anywhere.
• Your date should know what they want and what they are looking for in a relationship. If you ask, “What are you looking for?” there should be an answer. “I don’t really know” is not acceptable. Also, your date should be asking you at least as many questions as you are asking them. Beware of dates who talk about themselves too much!
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• Nobody is perfect, but any three “red flags” and the relationship should be over. These include bitterness, excessive talking about previous relationships, lack of commitment, excessive drinking, drug use, anger problems, etc. (hostility or abuse counts as three red flags!)
• Never go back to a previous relationship to give them a “second chance.” It probably will not work.
• The inability to express emotions openly is a defect. It will likely not improve.
• What you see is what you get. People grow, but rarely change. You need to love the person for what they are right now, not some future possible potential.
• Pay close attention to the relationship your date has with their own friends, family, parents, business associates and even with their pets. All of these should be normal and warm. The way your date treats the waitress or waiter in a restaurant is a great indication of how you will be treated!
• Significant age differences can work in relationships, but they usually do not. Find someone within seven years of your own age.
• The expression, “I love you, but I am not IN love with you” is an excuse. Don’t accept it.
• If your date wants to “see other people,” tell them to go watch a baseball game. The relationship is over.
Fred L. Holtz, PhD is Executive Director of Holtz Psychological Services, PC. For additional ideas you can reach us at DrHoltz@HPStherapy.com, twitter us @PANICDOCTOR or visit our website at www.HPStherapy.com
