Gray Matters

"I love what you're doing with your hair," an elderly woman said to me as I waited for my doctor appointment.  "Your gray is coming in lovely."

I waited five years to hear that. I remember when I first told a colleague that at 44, I had decided to stop coloring my hair.  She looked at me as if I wanted to walk blindfolded across a highway. "Why?" she asked. I knew what was behind that question.  As a divorced mother, why would I want to ruin any chance I had of getting a date by looking like my daughters' grandmother?  But, I said, I happen to like white hair on older women.  It's just the gray part that one has to put up with in order to get there.

I'll be the first to admit that in those first few years, I spent a lot of quality time with my mirror scrutinizing my looks. I worried that I'd look older, that the gray would come in all over, giving me that haggard look. To minimize what was going on on top of my head, I grew my hair longer and had it styled more youthfully.  I threw out anything gray in my wardrobe and lightened the colors I used in makeup, giving up my favorite red lipsticks and darker eye shadows for natural colors.

I've been lucky. My gray has come in the way some women purposely highlight their hair, around the left side of my face and in tiny strands around my head. The bulk in beneath the top layer of dark brown and I love picking up my hair to show people my Bride of Frankenstein streaks.  But for the most part, it's mainly hidden and I'm extremely thankful for that.

It's been nearly ten years now since I dyed by hair and it hasn't kept me from going out with men who say they like the fact that I'm comfortable letting my hair gray (and who are comfortable being seen with one). It's helped me to accept the fact that I am getting older and realize that while I enjoyed my youth, this, too is another stage of life that I can enjoy just as much. I've had strangers come up to me and compliment me on my hair, women who still cling to the color they had thirty years ago. My sister once remarked that she wasn't ready to take that step, that she can't face herself in the mirror just yet with the gray.  I suppose it does take a certain amount of courage and I'll be the first to admit it's not for everyone, but I wouldn't discourage anyone from giving it a try.  You just might find that your pattern is just as complimentary.