Compliments! ...Or Are They?

"Yo Miss.. I just wanted to tell you that you have a mad pretty face with a nice phat ass. For an older lady."

*s l o w   e x h a l e*

Even if you don't live in an urban city, are not familiar with urban lingo, street slang, 'hood' language....you get the general jist of this. I stood there. Silent (which is highly unusual for me) and speechless (which is even more unusual). I couldn't decide whether I should be highly insulted - proper reaction for an older lady - or should I be falling down grateful that someone under the age of 110 thinks my ass still looks pretty good. So how did I reply? 

"Gee....Thanks?"

When you enter this decade you become well aware of what doesn't quite look like it used to. The height of your breasts, the width of your behind, the firmness of your neck...and yes, I could go and on. You learn to live with it, sort of accept it as graciously as possible (pilates three days a week outdoor boot camp weight watchers on the side anyone?). The last damn thing you need is to reminded of it. Especially when ill mannered appraisals of your being are being handed to you in a backwards, seemingly complimentary way.

Yeah, you get sensitive. Yeah, you should have a sense of humor about the whole ‘growing older gracefully’ process for you are beyond other people's insensitivity. Yeah you realize that people don't mean to be ignorant in the way they 'compliment' you which is why they follow their pronouncements with a genuine smile. Harumph. Trust me, the majority of days will find you asking people to 'please stop talking' before you literally punch them dead in the face. 

I have adopted a name for these supposed compliments: 'Thinly Veiled Insulting Compliments' or T.H.I.C.K. (sounds cooler with the K obviously). A few examples: 

"You are still beautiful for your age."

"You can totally date a younger man for you can pass."

" Back in the day, a woman your age was referred to as 'handsome."

"Grey hair makes you look seasoned. I love it!" 

"Those jeans make your booty look young."

And the list goes on and on. Gives new meaning to the term 'neverending'. You, however, will never, ever get used to it so practice the art of accepting these T.H.I.C.K.'s as humanely as possible. For an older lady.  And look at the silver lining: at least people are still paying attention to you. 

And if you can't get used to it, if you can't find the 'funny', then start saving your funds for bail money. Cause I forsee a lot of left hooks in your future. 

Xoxo,

Fabulously Forty(ish)

*Find the un-edited, therefore funnier adult version that can't be printed in a family friendly newspaper at beingfourtyish.blogspot.com*