John Halligan Brings ‘Ryan’s Story’ to Garden City

John Halligan shared the jarring story of how his 13-year-old son, Ryan, a victim of cyber-bullying, took his life in 2003. He addressed the middle school student body Thursday and again shared his harrowing story with parents later that evening.

The Garden City Community Coalition and Garden City PTA hosted the event.

Spurred by this unfathomable tragedy, Halligan educates about the perils of the online world. Technology has created an underworld for predatory bullying.

A year after Halligan passed Vermont's Bully Prevention Law, he was asked to speak at a school. "I hadn't been to school since I was a student," said Halligan. "What would I say? I accepted and spent a lot of sleepless nights. After the speech, I noticed the kids were connected, either to my son, the bully or bystander."

Halligan introduced his son by playing a video that depicted how he reached such hopelessness. Ryan's mother shared: "Ryan didn't excel in academics or sports but he had the greatest gift of all – a great personality."

"Ryan came to me and I told him 'it's words, ignore it,'" said Halligan. "With the help of a therapist, I thought we were okay."

Seventh grade was a turning point. Ryan said going to the school made things worse. He wanted to fight back. Father and son learned karate. These are some of the best memories his father has. Eventually, Ryan fought back but throwing punches didn't solve the problem.

"When I was a boy, it was physical," shared Halligan. "In today's world it's not just physical, it's emotional. It's not about throwing punches, it's about throwing words. I underestimated that."

Having a career with IBM, he implemented family rules including no talking to strangers, sharing personal information or secret passwords. Halligan created one password for all accounts. This allowed him to break into Ryan's secret world.

"The day my son died, I ripped my house apart looking for a note," said Halligan. 

He turned to Ryan's AOL account and located hundreds of folders. Halligan discovered Ryan's connection with a former classmate. This friend was in a dark place and they explored suicide. Ryan told his friend how he hated the popular kids and wanted to kill himself. One day Ryan said, "today is the day" and his friend responded, "it's about time."

Halligan learned more. Ryan had briefly befriended the bully. The bully then circulated rumors that he was gay. Halligan found assaulting and vulgar conversations. Ryan attempted to fend off the onslaught. He also developed an online relationship with a girl that turned out to be a hoax. 

Visibly pained, Halligan shared these tips based on his experience:

Friends – It was easy for our parents to size up our friends, cyberspace is different. Kids hang out with whoever has a computer. Parents need to be aware of all friendships.

Depression/Suicide – Sometimes, it's not just teenage angst. Don't be afraid to ask. He shared statistics from The Youth Risk Behavior Survey implemented by the Department of Health & Human Services Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

Halligan said: "If there was one chart that someone had thrust in my face, I wish they would have shown me this. We hear about sex, drugs and alcohol but our society is skittish about this topic. The problem exists and there is no socioeconomic barrier."

According to the 2009 Survey, 23 percent of students nationwide had felt sad or hopeless for two weeks or more. Nationwide, 6.3 percent of students had attempted suicide and 13.8 percent of students had seriously considered attempting suicide.

Backup Plan – Sometimes we're too close, find someone your child trusts.

Conflict Resolution – Often used in schools, bullying has nothing to do with conflict and this tactic provides no consequences.

Bystander – The bystander represents the solution. Kids will listen to friends.

Social Networking – Learn what your child is signing up for. Share all account names and passwords, ensure children never share passwords. Delay social networking until children are 14 or older.

Cyber-bullying – It's easy to hide behind a screen. Ryan's experience happened before cell phones were popular in this age group and prior to Facebook. The tools are now broader and emotional abuse is rampant. 

Sexting – Explain photos can go viral in an instant.

Manage Reputation – Everything on the Internet is a file; the Internet is becoming our children's resume.

Monitoring – Purchase monitoring/time control software.

Halligan has been outspoken about the need for education and prevention of bullying, cyber-bullying and teen suicide throughout the United States and Canada. His son's story has been told world-wide by print, radio and TV. In memory of his son, Halligan spearheaded the Vermont Bully Prevention bill which was signed into law (ACT 117) in May 2004, only a few months after Ryan's death. He also successfully led the passage of the law pertaining to mandatory suicide prevention education in public schools (ACT 114) in April 2006. For further information, visit http://www.ryanpatrickhalligan.org/about/about.htm.